He’s mysterious, he’s innovative, he’s probably a little insane, and he’s rich. According to Forbes Magazine, Mr. Willy Wonka is currently the 13th richest fictional character in the universe, ranking just above Lucius Malfoy. Take that, Slytherin!
It shouldn’t come as any surprise that Wonka has big bucks: anyone with their own flying glass elevator, teleportation device, and chocolate river is probably making some serious cash.
Sometimes the package that candy comes in is just as important as the candy itself. In the here-today, gone-tomorrow world of novelty candy, the packaging can be make or break. For example, why is it that something like Pixie Stix has become a candy classic, while so many other fun candy products fail, destined to become Retro Candy Flashbacks?
The people at Wonka have decided to try their luck in the novelty candy world with their latest fun product, the new Shockers Squeez Sour Candy. Packaged in a 1.5 oz. tube, Shockers Squeez comes in two flavors: Mouth Blastin’ Berry and Tongue Trippin’ Lemon. Essentially, these tubes of gel-like candy are a new incarnation of Wonka favorites Shock Tarts.
I am always a little wary of candy that comes in any sort of liquid or gel, especially when the vessel of choice is a tube the likes of which I might find in my bathroom to help me banish plaque and cavities. Still, I like to take a walk on the wild side every now and then, so I gave this Wonka product a squeeze.
There are many happy unions in the Candy World. Some candy pairs just seem made for each other: chocolate & peanut butter, chocolate & mint, hard candy & bubble gum, strawberry & banana, black licorice & the garbage can… the list goes on and on. Unfortunately, the new Wonka SweeTARTS Rope with Nerds filling is no such union. In fact, it seems to be a marriage of convenience in the Wonka family of products.
The Wonka SweeTARTS Rope consists of a red, chewy gummi tunnel filled with a blue liquid and rainbow Nerds candy. Each package contains two candy ropes, about seven inches long. In my packages of SweeTARTS Ropes, some of the blue liquid candy escaped from the gummy canal and leaked into the bag. This is likely because they came in the mail, but it is worth mentioning because it is rather messy situation.
Luckily, one of the packages is in good condition with not much escaped blue goo. The gummy rope of each SweeTARTS Rope candy is a thick, cherry-flavored tube. The blue liquid inside each one is the consistency of paste. Classics Nerds candy is embedded in the blue paste. I’ll now break down the flavors, part by part.
I hate bananas, I can’t dance, and I have no idea how to unicycle, but I would gladly dance upon a unicycle across the country in a giant banana costume if it meant the return of my beloved Wacky Wafers.
Wacky Wafers were a delicious candy once manufactured by the Willy Wonka Candy Company, which is now owned by Nestle. Upon acquiring the company, Nestle decided to keep the Wonka staples: Nerds and Everlasting Gobstoppers were both spared. It was curtains for Wacky Wafers, however; a tragic event for Candy Addicts everywhere.
What made Wacky Wafers so great was their composition. They were a beautiful amalgamation of the best elements of other candies: the chalky wafer feel of a Necco, the sugary snap of SweetTarts, and the creative flavoring that is best represented in Wacky Wafers’ surviving sister candy, Bottle Caps.
Each Wacky Wafer had a distinct flavor: you didn’t eat a “yellow” wafer, you ate a banana one. Some argue that Giant Chewy SweetTarts are a decent replacement for Wacky Wafers, but I have to disagree. With a Wacky Wafer, I knew what I was tasting, unlike the “I think it’s cherry, no wait, it’s lime, no… it’s orange?” reaction that I often get from SweetTarts. As I mentioned earlier, I hate bananas, but for some reason, the banana Wacky Wafer was one of my very favorite candies. It had a lovely flavor: sweet but not overwhelmingly so, a bit like a giant banana Runt that had been crushed by a magical, wacky, delicious steamroller.
Perhaps this is all nostalgia: if Wacky Wafers had made it to 2007, would I still love them as much? It’s hard to say. But I’m willing to get on that unicycle to find out, if that’s what it takes. You hear me, Mr. Wonka? My costume is in the mail and I’ve got my dancin’ shoes on.
To see a great picture of various Wacky Wafer packages, take a look at this picture of three different Wacky Wafers packages taken by Dan Goodsell, the author of A Sampler Of Things.
Someone decided to make a movie trailer for a scary movie version of Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory and they posted the results on YouTube. You can see the results above. That boat scene always did give me the creeps.