As a kid, whenever my friends and I had a loose tooth that we wanted to fall out so we could get a visit from the tooth fairy, we would eat Now and Laters. Those hard now, but soft later taffy squares were just the perfect thing to stick to your tooth and yank it right out when you chewed.

Maybe it’s because my youngest memories of these candies involved blood pouring from a crevice in mouth, but I never ate them too frequently. I didn’t mind them, but the standard three-flavor pack so bored me with the same regimen over and over that I found myself only consuming them once a year or so.

Every now and then, whenever I pop into a gas station, I can find individual packets of flavors not included in the larger size. I have always wondered about these flavors. Could the reason why these flavors never found themselves in the regular Now and Later lineup be that they’re just not very good? Amongst an assortment of possible candidates, I chose pineapple as the flavor best to conduct my research with.

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I think I have been craving tropical-flavored sweets all this week simply because graduate school applications are starting to be due; whenever I am stressed, I usually return to the sorts of candy that bring me back to a state of tranquility. And if you can’t go to Hawaii to relax, you can at least enjoy its flavors.

Tropical LifeSavers have been a staple of my tropical obsession since I was in elementary school. I never cared much for the other flavors of Lifesavers, but these were different. They sported an assortment of flavors that were nuanced for the candy world at age six because for the most part they avoided the clichéd strawberry, cherry, etc….

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Yes, it’s a classic American institution. But you have to admit: the New England Confectionery Company, better known to you and I as the folks behind Necco wafers, produces some of the driest, dustiest candy on the planet. Necco Wafers are the candy left at the bottom of your Halloween trick-or-treat bag after all the good stuff is gone. On Valentine’s Day, there’s one guaranteed way to make sure your sweetheart gets the wrong message: Give her a box of chalky, stale Conversation Hearts. LUV U? I don’t think so!

So, with low expectations I cracked open a package of Necco’s Smoothies. They’ve been around for a few years, but I can’t say that I’ve noticed them before now. Similar in size and shape to regular Necco Wafers, the Smoothies are supposed to remind one of smoothie drinks, those ever-popular concoctions of health clubs and veggie bars. I find this claim on the Necco company’s part to be the overstatement of the century. Let’s just say, if Smoothies are reminiscent of anything, it’s heartburn medication, in sorta fruity flavors.

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Growing up in California, summer was always different from the rest of the country. For unknown reasons (at least to me), California schools let out in late June as opposed to May like everyone else in the country. As a result, summer vacation spans all the way until September (October even when I studied at U.C.L.A.).

What’s weird about this is that the rest of the country is back to their typical regimens while Californians have little to do. So how do Californians spend this month of September? They go to Hawaii!

All my friends were always going to Hawaii because it was still warm enough to enjoy, but the peak tourist season had already elapsed. Unfortunately, my parents had this thing about summer school and quality time with the family. As a result, I still have yet to find myself out on a beach in Maui.

But since I can’t afford to go to Hawaii at the moment, I decided I would bring the island to me. That translates to the candy bar of the month for September being what I call the Vacation Bar.

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In my Candy Addict staff profile, I joke that I adhere to a strict organic, vegan diet to balance my rabid candy consumption. Though that’s not entirely true, if it were I could find sweet organic, vegan refuge in Zootons. What are Zootons, you ask? Well Zootons are beings hailing from Zootopia, of course! And they are here to save Earthling children and adults alike from bad candy.

And how do they do that, you ask? Why, by generously sharing their homeland’s chemical-free, fertilizer-free, gelatin-free, organic, vegan candy with “out of this world taste” of the same name. Naturally! And in the spirit of promoting healthy habits and practicing what they preach, Zootons also donate a percentage of their profits to Healthy Child, Healthy World, a non-profit organization campaigning for healthy environments for children.

And while these are all excellent reasons for both vegan and omnivorous Addicts to give Zootons a try, we all know that when it comes to candy it really just comes down to taste (I mean, if it tastes like organic dirt it still tastes like dirt, right?), so let’s get to the important stuff. Zootons come in four varieties: Gummies, Colas, Jellies, and Sours. And here’s my breakdown:

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