Candy Review: Black Forest Swirly Gummy Bears

Black Forest Swirly Gummy Bears

My first encounter with gummy bears occurred in junior high when a widespread gambling craze swept the school. My friends Rob and Steve and I would save our lunch money by eating only Haribo Gummi Gold Bears that we bought at the nearby convenience store so we could gamble away our quarters. Ah, youth is wasted on the young. I only lasted a few weeks on this Vegas-inspired program as I began to feel weak from lack of nutritious food. I would soon resume the scheduled spaghetti and mystery meat regimen of public school dining options. Does anyone remember Potato Turbate?

As usual, I digress.

Gummy bears originated in 1920 by confectionery producer Hans Rigel of Bonn, Germany, and he named his company HARIBO, a creative acronym using the first two letters of Hans, Rigel, and Bonn. To me, Haribo always sounded vaguely Asian, but through the magic of “Internet Research” I’ve been schooled.

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Candy Review: Jolly Rancher Screaming Sours

Jolly Rancher Screaming Sours

I bought a bag of Jolly Rancher Screaming Sours, or at least I think I did. While organizing my closet, yet another task/excuse to put off completing my graduate school applications, I stumbled across the candy.

I know I didn’t buy them in Texas, so they must have somehow sneaked their way with me from Los Angeles, making them at least a year old. Rather than treat this as an ew… old candy moment, I figured all the preservatives in a gummi candy must still make them edible. You never know – this could be like finding a twenty-dollar bill in an old pair of jeans.

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The Great Chocolate Experiment (Part 4)

Experiment 4 Ingredients
Welcome, fair readers, to the fourth installment of the Great Chocolate Experiment, in which I and my Research Assistant attempt to further the cause of Science by determining which ingredients taste good coated in chocolate, and which do not. In The Great Chocolate Experiment Part 3, we botched chocolate-coated ham, discovered that chocolate-covered rice cakes still taste like cardboard, and had our tongues twisted by the unspeakable combination of chocolate and pickles. What new surprises await in Part 4? (The astute reader will notice that we are using more of the reader suggestions from The Great Chocolate Experiment Part 2. Thanks, everybody!)

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Candy Review: Jelly Belly Raspberries and Blackberries

Jelly Belly Raspberries and Blackberries

I have always known that Jelly Belly manufactures more than their trademark jelly bean; however, my knowledge of the rest of their product line is rather limited. I attribute this fact mostly to price issues.

As anyone who sees Jelly Belly products already knows, they are considered to be a gourmet line of candy widely accessible to the public. And while their candy won’t hurt your wallet as much as designer chocolate would, you’ll still be required to lay out a few more dollars for a product you could easily find cheaper, but most likely at a lesser quality.

One such product is their gummy raspberries and blackberries. These confections have arcane origins that originate in Europe, and the most association I have ever had with them was that a former boss of mine loved to consume the Haribo version.

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Halloween Candy Review: Crunchy Tarantulas

Crunchy Tarantulas

We all have trick-or-treaters we really don’t want to give candy to. You know the ones – thug teenagers who have no business being out trick-or-treating, parents asking for candy for their third child who happens to be 2 weeks old (“Yes, she eats breast milk, formula, and a few Snickers here and there”), and repeat customers who come back because they know you give out the good stuff. So what to do with these ne’er-do-wells? Give them some candy that sucks, of course! And I found the perfect candidate – crunchy tarantulas.

I found crunchy tarantulas at the same time I got the gummy brains from Oriental Trading. I really truly thought they would be good – marshmallow, gummy, and hard candy bits? What could be better? Well, for one, eating a bar of soap. Or possibly chemically treated wood pellets. Seriously. Nasty. Stuff.

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