Two years ago this time, Brian was bringing you news of a new Valentine’s candy made just for the dejected singles among us, BitterSweets. Being a dejected single myself, I jumped at the chance to sample this year’s batch.

Now, I know you’ve seen those little heart-shaped candies imprinted with messages that always seem to circulate around Valentine’s Day. In fact, you may even have hazarded to taste one. If you’re like most of the universe, you learned your lesson then and there. It turns out candies with sweet sayings on them tend to have little flavor in them.

This is where I have to admit that I actually like conversation hearts. Yes, that’s right world, I have bought them simply to consume rather than to share. It seems that I once got a strange batch that was, for some unknown but likely toxic reason, easy to chew. Ever since then, I’ve been seeking out that elusive texture. Unable to find it again, I guess I just learned to enjoy the tooth-breaking snap of the regular hearts. Of course, that’s only if I can manage not to gag on the cutesy little sayings stamped on each one. Now, finally, I have an option that allows me to enjoy the hearts while staying well within my comfort zone of sarcasm and general anti-Valentine’s Day-ness.

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Putting words on candy isn’t a new concept. We’ve already mentioned conversation hearts, personalized M&Ms, and even chocotelegrams. For those who crave something different for their Valentines there’s even BitterSweets, with sayings like “SETTLE 4 LESS” and “PRENUP OKAY?”.

But, you say, those are just for Valentine’s Day. What if I need to send an edgy message after February 14th? Well, maybe Embittermints are for you. With words like “Bite Me” or “You Suck,” Embittermints are, according to the official website, “the perfect gift for sworn enemies, annoying door-to-door solicitors, and anyone who rubs you the wrong way. You can give them to the one you love, or at least the one you used to.” The words are clearly pressed into each mint, so each message comes in loud and clear.

I felt kind of weird popping one of these Pez-sized mints (“Idiot,” it read) into my mouth. Giving this to sworn enemies? Did something evil lurk beneath the strong, minty flavor? Would I keel over backwards? Would I be overcome with a sense of terror? But nothing like that happened. They’re pretty much standard mints: not chalky, and similar in texture and flavor to Certs. They’re good, but nothing spectacular.

I really like these mints as a concept, though. Goodness knows there are a lot of mint tins vying for people’s attention already, and Embittermints is unique enough to push past the rest. Get them for your favorite obnoxious individual, but I would first make sure that their sense of humor is still intact… or that you’re three states away when they open the tin.

Embittermints are available for $2.50 per tin at select New York specialty retailers or from the Embittermints website.

• Embittermints

mints, humor, novelty

It’s impossible to imagine a Valentine’s Day without the ubiquitous Necco Sweethearts conversation hearts. They’ve been around for over a century, and I’ve got to say, they taste like it, too! I guess it’s kind of like those holiday fruitcakes–hardly anyone actually likes them, but nevertheless they feel obligated to buy or consume them.

Necco tries to keep up with the times by adding new slogans for Sweethearts every year. For 2007 the company is tapping into America’s love for animals by including several pet-oriented sayings, including “Top Dog,” “Go Fish,” “My Pet,” and “Love Bird.” These new phrases join the more than 100 existing ones. Interested in the sayings that graced the earliest batches of conversation hearts in the 1860s? “Be Mine,” “Be Good,” “Be True,” “Kiss Me,” and “Sweet Talk.”

The recipe for Sweethearts conversation hearts has remained unchanged, but they do offer some other choices. There are Sweethearts Sugarfree Boxes, chocolate-flavored Sweethearts, Sweethearts Valentine Gum, conversation hearts with sayings in Spanish, cinnamon jelly hearts, and Sweetheart Tarts.

For “research purposes” I picked up some of the Sweetheart Tarts, which, according to the box, are “tart” and “tangy.” I have to confess that I was a little apprehensive. I’ve had plenty of candies that claimed to be sour and tart but fell flat. I was also imagining the taste of the regular Sweethearts with a teeny bit of citric acid or something added to it, and, well, it just wasn’t very appetizing.

I was pleasantly surprised when I finally gathered up the nerve to try these hearts. They aren’t extraordinarily tart, but they are actually tart! And they actually have some flavor! They do have that same hard, slightly chalky texture, but they are definitely edible. There is one color that tasted medicinal (I think it was the white one, but I had several in my mouth so I could not pinpoint the culprit), but that was the only one. If you must have conversation hearts for Valentine’s but don’t care for the original flavor, give the tart ones a try!

• NECCO website

candy, sweets, Necco, Sweethearts, hearts, Valentine’s Day, valentines

Depsite all of the Valentine’s-related posts I have made in the weeks leading up to today, I still feel I need to post something related to Valentine’s Day so here it is: How Much Is Inside Conversation Hearts? On this page, they count, measure, sort, and grind Necco hearts and give us some real measurements with a side of humor. Be sure and look closely at the message tally on the right….and excuse their messy HTML.

We were going to grind up the bag of hearts with a coffee grinder to measure volume, but it started to smell like burning after a while. Instead, we mailed the powder we had to our favorite senators for Valentine’s Day. How romantic.

How Much Is Inside Conversation Hearts?
Other Valentine’s Day pages on Candy Addict
Also see: How Much is Inside Chewing Gum?

candy, hearts, heart, necco, valentine, valentines, valentines+day, count, measure, food