Candy Review: Necco Smoothies

Thursday, October 30, 2008 - by Dan

Yes, it’s a classic American institution. But you have to admit: the New England Confectionery Company, better known to you and I as the folks behind Necco wafers, produces some of the driest, dustiest candy on the planet. Necco Wafers are the candy left at the bottom of your Halloween trick-or-treat bag after all the good stuff is gone. On Valentine’s Day, there’s one guaranteed way to make sure your sweetheart gets the wrong message: Give her a box of chalky, stale Conversation Hearts. LUV U? I don’t think so!

So, with low expectations I cracked open a package of Necco’s Smoothies. They’ve been around for a few years, but I can’t say that I’ve noticed them before now. Similar in size and shape to regular Necco Wafers, the Smoothies are supposed to remind one of smoothie drinks, those ever-popular concoctions of health clubs and veggie bars. I find this claim on the Necco company’s part to be the overstatement of the century. Let’s just say, if Smoothies are reminiscent of anything, it’s heartburn medication, in sorta fruity flavors.

Let’s run down the damage. First thing to know: smoothies come in five dusty flavors:

Strawberry Creme/pink – Looking for a nice placebo for that stomachache of yours? Strawberry Creme is probably the most medicinal of the Smoothies flavors. They’re great if you run out of Tums or Pepto-Bismol.

Peach/peach – If you could capture the smell of peach air freshener and transform it into a solid, you would have this flavor.

Banana caramel/yellow – This wafer has no real caramel flavor, but it does taste like banana salt water taffy. I’d rate it as the most memorable flavor of the “bunch.”

Blueberry/blue – This one tastes more like blueberry dirt than anything remotely creamy.

Tropical/white – When I first saw this one, I thought the Necco people just threw in one of their regular white wafers, but no, the tropical flavor has a taste all its own. That taste starts out like chalk before leaving you with a pineapple aftertaste.

What I was most shocked to discover while writing this review is that Necco wafers start out as dough! On the company’s Web site, you can see actual photos of how Necco employees turn what looks like moist, delicious nougat into dry, dusty disks. I’m feeling dehydrated just typing this.

So, if you are a fan of Necco and all its dried-up glory, by all means enjoy your Smoothies. I think my son still has some left over from last Halloween if you’re interested.

• Necco Website

Buy Necco Smoothies Online:

• at Candy Direct
• at Candy Crate
• at Amazon.com