(image from Flickr user l.a.photographer)
These have all happened me:
- your wife says “we need to have a talk about the candy – it’s out of control”
- you can’t eat dinner at your dining room table because it’s covered with candy
- you stumble upon a box of good chocolate you forgot you had
- your 6 year old knows not to ask for candy at the grocery store because you have so much at home
- in the checkout line at the store your 6 year old says “Daddy, you reviewed that, and that, and that, and that, and that….”
- you feel guilty buying candy when you have so much at home already
Anyone else have some to add?
I can only add 6 letters:
LOL
OMG
You can send some to me.
You have a larger variety of gummi fish in your house than actual fish in your aquarium.
You have a line of trick-or-treaters stretching down the block each Halloween.
You have numerous kinds of candy flavored as fruits that you have never actually had in your house before.
When someone mentions Mars in conversation, your first thought has nothing to do with the fourth planet from the sun or the Roman god of war.
Your local dentist names the new wing of his home after your family.
Toothpaste companies enter a bidding war to supply your family with dental products.
Tourists from Hershey Pennsylvania visit your home and remark that the air smelled of chocolate as they approached your city.
The neighborhood kids refer to you as Willy Wonka.
Diabetics require an insulin shot just walking past your home.
When your kid gets busted with candy at school and the teacher says “do you have enough for the whole class?”, the entire school district goes home with a treatbag.
–You realize that at some point you actually have to start eating all those candies you bought one of because “I’ve never had that before!”
–You bake lots of random candy-themed cookies and brownies to take to work so you can foist your excess off on unsuspecting coworkers.
My husband and I seem to collect food in general (canned goods, cereal and CANDY) so we have been on a campaign for the last month or so to whittle down our reserves. We expect this project to take some time as we do want to maintain a healthy weight as we pursue this mission. Just this weekend I actually stood in front of the fridge and opened and closed the door several times in succession because of the little thrill it gave me to be able to see all the way to the back.
Our candy goal includes splitting 1 or 2 items each night after dinner. We will win this war!
1. Your roommate asks “What’s on tap tonight?”
2. Most of your cubboard space is devoted to candy storage
3. Oh, and don’t forget in your freezer too
4. Too much closet space is dedicated to the archived candy wrappers (I am SO guilty of this)
5. You think you’ve made a good dent in your stash when one of the cases you had is now empty, even if it took you 6 months
6. You still have some candy from the Expo in September (I have some Skinny Hunks I’ve been saving).
Awesome list Brian. I am guilty too! :)
Your friends all know to call you and ask you about any candy rumor, news or sightings of something new to them.
You promptly get in the car (if you’re not already in it) and go to whichever store they saw the “new thing” to buy it and try it!
Every trash can in your life has more candy wrappers than anyone else’s. Guaranteed.
You’re only slightly embarassed by the above fact and quite proud, actually, that you do love and know so much about candy!
Your freezer has various bars and goodies for your “Is it good frozen and/or how different is it?” taste testing. At one point one summer, I had more candy in my freezer than food. I mean “real” food. I noticed this and yet did not feel the need to go food shopping to balance out the stockpile.
Like a true addict, you have hidden candy consumption from loved ones who just don’t get it. You’ve done this partially because your consumption is pretty darn big and our society says over-consuming anything is a sign of weakness, and partly because you wanted it all for yourself, admit it!
You buy candy every single time you go anywhere. It’s always on your mind and it EXCITES you. You will spend your money on candy before some other important things (level of importance is all relative, of course). You think candy is a perfectly fine breakfast food. (Hey, most cereals are basically candy you can eat with a spoon in a bowl, let’s face it). Candy is King, Queen and all other royalty combined. Candy RULES!
You can’t recall a meal you recently had but you absolutely know what candy you ate last!
There’s candy in and/or on your nightstand.
And Lance? I’m SO there with the Mars thing! OMG! :)
THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS TOO MUCH CANDY!!!
…when you don’t look forward to halloween, easter, or valentines day. More of the same…