(Just for clarification, it’s the reviews that are funny, not the candy.) I don’t even remember where/how I stumbled upon this page, but I’ve had it in my TOWRITE list for a while now. The reviews of candy (and other food) are downright funny (funnier than I have ever been in my reviews) and poetic at the same time. Evidently, people just send in reviews and if they fit with the overall tone of the other reviews, they are posted. Here is a quick sample from the latest review of Passionfruit Mint Tic Tacs:
…cinnamon-flavored Tic Tacs, for which I would enter into armed combat, do not make their way to my native Australia…The immediate smell was contrary to the fabric of society, an acrid and sulfuric bouquet that, thankfully, prepared me for the sheer awfulness of the taste. A wash of detergent bleeds from this benighted pill with each suck…
Other candy reviews include Starburst Baja California Fruit Chews, Licorice Altoids, Dagoba’s New Moon Organic Chocolate Bar, “Those Weird Chocolates a Co-worker Brought Back From Prague”, Panda Assorted Filled Licorice, Wintermint, White Chocolate Key Lime Almond Joy (“It smells like a Malibu Barbie that’s been drinking gin-and-tonics all day”), Nerds Rope, and many, many more. If only it were a blog and/or had an RSS feed.
I was that reviewer! They are simply awful….
Going off the candy track for one minute. Just so EVERYONE knows. McSweeney’s Quarterly Concern is my FAVORITE magazine (well, “magazine that looks like a book… most of the time”). I have had a subscription for many years. It is so funky, cool, and always has wonderful stories. You never know what you are going to get with each issue: An exclusive CD, an exclusive DVD, a bunch of literature that looks exactly like a stack of junk mail, a whole issue that is in comic book format, a cigar box filled with fun, an elegant looking hardback, etc. If you love to read, it is THE thing to have on your shelf (the junkmail issue looks really bizarre on my shelf, but it is proudly there). Okay…back to candy.