We all know there’s no right way to eat a Reese’s cup, but is this a universal truth with all candy? Apparently, the adage applies to Skittles, too. When he’s not designing super cool t-shirts, graphic designer Brandon Bortwein compiles Skittle statistics from every 2oz bag of Skittles he’s eaten in the past year.

This makes me wonder how many other people out there sort their skittles by color. I don’t sort, per se, but I definitely do play “favorites” with my Skittles. I eat the ones I least like first and save the best for last: strawberry. Do you sort your Skittles?

• Bortwein’s Skittle sorting stats

I fondly recall candy cigarettes, both the gum and the chocolate versions, but I now wonder if it was some sort of ploy by the cigarette manufacturers to attract future users. Well, no matter! That was then, and this is now, and NOW there are wacky bubble gum cigarettes in interesting flavors from Archie McPhee.

I received four packs to review: Roller Derby (cherry-flavored bubble gum cigarettes), Captain Black’s Pirate (citrus-flavored bubble gum cigarettes), Hobo (campfire coffee bubble gum cigarettes), and El Diablo (cinnamon-flavored bubble gum cigarillos). Each box contains 12 pieces. The boxes, as you can see, sport appealing and quirky designs.

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What is this review really about, anyway? Is it even worth writing? Is it even about anything at all? I don’t believe so. For the Nihilist in your life, Archie McPhee offers their flavorless Nihilist mints, 60 pieces of nothing guaranteed to taste like emptiness and the void in your soul.

The packaging is really sweet, it reminds me of a coffin… it’s a sleek little black case that slides out to reveal the pellets of nada within. Do they taste good? Of course not. Do they taste bad? Of course not. They’re flavorless. You didn’t expect Nihilist mints to taste like sunshine and lollipops, did you? They taste like nothing with a side of sugar. Or like the lack of an answer to the question “Why?”, depending on your world view. As Archie McPhee claims: “Nihilists don’t believe in flavor!”

If none of this makes sense to you, here is the definition of Nihilist.

Buy Nihilist Mints online:

• at Stupid.com
• at Archie McPhee

Right now you’re probably wondering why Candy Addict would be reviewing something called Hobo Beans in the first place. Well, if you’ve been reading us for any amount of time you’ll recognize the name Archie McPhee and a light bulb will go off above your head (not literally, but you get the idea). From bacon mints to gummi haggis, they bring the “weird” to “weird candy.”

Hobo Beans are actually nothing more or less than maple flavored jelly beans. Now, I love jelly beans. I also love maple candy. A combination of the two would have to be delightful, right?

Well, not quite. Mind you, I’m not saying these are horrible, they just aren’t… you know… good. Oh, sure, they smell like maple when you first rip off the plastic wrap, but when it comes to taste they fall far short. The closest they come to maple flavor is a vague sense of almost maple-ness – which isn’t surprising considering the source of the flavor, according to the ingredient list: “artificial maple flavor.” Yeah, no kidding! Instead of sporting any one specific flavor, these have more of a general sweetness followed by a strange tartness that comes through after chewing and right before swallowing.

I can’t say I’ll be rushing out to buy these any time soon, but I do have to admit that the mini can they come in is pretty cute. If you’re a tin/can fan, then by all means grab one for your collection… but forgo the beans themselves. Of course, I’m sure your friendly neighborhood Hobo would probably appreciate them greatly!

• Hobo Beans at Archie McPhee

Do you have a Vampire problem? Well, Buffy has been off the air for a few years now, so your next best bet is to pick up some of Archie McPhee’s Vampire Repelling Garlic Mints, a tin of magically disgusting pellets designed to keep Count Dracula and his crew from vanting to suck your blood, bleh!

I’m not going to lie – I was terrified to try the Vampire mints. The garlic smell is ridiculously strong – you can smell it even before you take the plastic shrink wrap off of the very cool-looking metal case that the mints come in. Once the plastic wrap is off – the smell becomes even stronger – not only will it keep a vampire away, but most likely it will keep everyone in your office, your significant other, and the majority of the people in your neighborhood away as well.

The taste is very hard to describe – it’s not quite garlic, and it’s not quite mint. It is, however, quite gross. It’s almost like eating one of those scratch and sniff stickers from the 80′s, or mixing a Pizza Goldfish cracker with a Tic-Tac. Truly revolting.

The concept and the packaging, however, are awesome – the tin has a great design and the mints would make a great gift for Vampire lovers, Vampire-fearers, and anyone who likes a nice, disgusting pizza Goldfish/Tic-Tac combo.

• Garlic Mints at Archie McPhee
• More Archie McPhee products at Candy Addict