I fondly recall candy cigarettes, both the gum and the chocolate versions, but I now wonder if it was some sort of ploy by the cigarette manufacturers to attract future users. Well, no matter! That was then, and this is now, and NOW there are wacky bubble gum cigarettes in interesting flavors from Archie McPhee.

I received four packs to review: Roller Derby (cherry-flavored bubble gum cigarettes), Captain Black’s Pirate (citrus-flavored bubble gum cigarettes), Hobo (campfire coffee bubble gum cigarettes), and El Diablo (cinnamon-flavored bubble gum cigarillos). Each box contains 12 pieces. The boxes, as you can see, sport appealing and quirky designs.

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What is this review really about, anyway? Is it even worth writing? Is it even about anything at all? I don’t believe so. For the Nihilist in your life, Archie McPhee offers their flavorless Nihilist mints, 60 pieces of nothing guaranteed to taste like emptiness and the void in your soul.

The packaging is really sweet, it reminds me of a coffin… it’s a sleek little black case that slides out to reveal the pellets of nada within. Do they taste good? Of course not. Do they taste bad? Of course not. They’re flavorless. You didn’t expect Nihilist mints to taste like sunshine and lollipops, did you? They taste like nothing with a side of sugar. Or like the lack of an answer to the question “Why?”, depending on your world view. As Archie McPhee claims: “Nihilists don’t believe in flavor!”

If none of this makes sense to you, here is the definition of Nihilist.

Buy Nihilist Mints online:

• at Stupid.com
• at Archie McPhee

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Right now you’re probably wondering why Candy Addict would be reviewing something called Hobo Beans in the first place. Well, if you’ve been reading us for any amount of time you’ll recognize the name Archie McPhee and a light bulb will go off above your head (not literally, but you get the idea). From bacon mints to gummi haggis, they bring the “weird” to “weird candy.”

Hobo Beans are actually nothing more or less than maple flavored jelly beans. Now, I love jelly beans. I also love maple candy. A combination of the two would have to be delightful, right?

Well, not quite. Mind you, I’m not saying these are horrible, they just aren’t… you know… good. Oh, sure, they smell like maple when you first rip off the plastic wrap, but when it comes to taste they fall far short. The closest they come to maple flavor is a vague sense of almost maple-ness - which isn’t surprising considering the source of the flavor, according to the ingredient list: “artificial maple flavor.” Yeah, no kidding! Instead of sporting any one specific flavor, these have more of a general sweetness followed by a strange tartness that comes through after chewing and right before swallowing.

I can’t say I’ll be rushing out to buy these any time soon, but I do have to admit that the mini can they come in is pretty cute. If you’re a tin/can fan, then by all means grab one for your collection… but forgo the beans themselves. Of course, I’m sure your friendly neighborhood Hobo would probably appreciate them greatly!

• Hobo Beans at Archie McPhee

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Do you have a Vampire problem? Well, Buffy has been off the air for a few years now, so your next best bet is to pick up some of Archie McPhee’s Vampire Repelling Garlic Mints, a tin of magically disgusting pellets designed to keep Count Dracula and his crew from vanting to suck your blood, bleh!

I’m not going to lie - I was terrified to try the Vampire mints. The garlic smell is ridiculously strong - you can smell it even before you take the plastic shrink wrap off of the very cool-looking metal case that the mints come in. Once the plastic wrap is off - the smell becomes even stronger - not only will it keep a vampire away, but most likely it will keep everyone in your office, your significant other, and the majority of the people in your neighborhood away as well.

The taste is very hard to describe - it’s not quite garlic, and it’s not quite mint. It is, however, quite gross. It’s almost like eating one of those scratch and sniff stickers from the 80’s, or mixing a Pizza Goldfish cracker with a Tic-Tac. Truly revolting.

The concept and the packaging, however, are awesome - the tin has a great design and the mints would make a great gift for Vampire lovers, Vampire-fearers, and anyone who likes a nice, disgusting pizza Goldfish/Tic-Tac combo.

• Garlic Mints at Archie McPhee
• More Archie McPhee products at Candy Addict

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Today, we have a guest review from Tanna Reynolds reviewing Mo’s Bacon Bar (remember, anyone can guest write for Candy Addict, drop us an email).

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If you are fortunate enough to live some 892 steps away from a gourmet chocolate shop like I am, then you would be foolish not to trace that path at least once a week to sample the delicious and sometimes unique candies. I’m no fool, but I’m easily led into temptation by the chocolate’s siren songs. To date, I have sampled my way through 32 varieties of chocolates and returned at least 20 times for chocolate-covered honeycomb, a chocolate with which I am particularly smitten.

On my most recent visit to sample the candy man’s wares (trust me, chocolate is serious business to this shop owner/mad scientist), I found myself both intrigued and repulsed by the sight of a large chocolate bar whose wrapper, adorned with a huge bacon slice and a milk chocolate square, boasted of a most unusual blend of flavors. My search had ended, and $9.00 and some obligatory chocolate talk later, me and Mo’s Bacon Bar were headed for home.

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I’ve long contemplated how, exactly, Freeze Dried Astronaut Ice Cream should be categorized. Is it candy? Or perhaps it’s simply a general-purpose dessert? Is it dairy or not?

Well, I still don’t have an answer to these age-old questions, but my investigations have certainly been tasty. Turns out, I’m one of the few people in the world who likes the stuff. Just as with my licorice adoration, my Freeze Dried Ice Cream addiction is often maligned and only rarely shared with any other member of the human race.

So, what about it? Anyone else like the stuff? Is it candy or not? Leave a comment and tell us what you think!

Buy Freeze Dried Ice Cream online:

• at Amazon.com

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Along with the Bacon Mints I reviewed earlier this week, I also received two tins of banana-flavored Monkey Mints and two tins of grog-flavored Pirate Mints. Thankfully, the horrid smell of the Bacon Mints didn’t permeate the sealed Monkey Mints and Pirate Mints tins.

Monkey Mints: The first thing that you notice about Monkey Mints is the cool monkey-face-shaped tin. It’s almost worth the cost of the mints just for the cool green tin. Once you actually open the tin, you’ll see 100 round yellow mints. When I first popped one in my mouth, I immediately thought of a banana Runt. After a second, the mint taste came through. Banana and mint isn’t a flavor combination I had ever considered before, but it’s not bad. Neither flavor is overwhelming and they mix rather nicely actually. And seriously - who doesn’t like monkeys?

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Pirate Mints: The Pirate Mints say they are “Grog Flavored”. I had heard the word “grog” bandied about in pirate movies and always thought it meant beer. After looking at the ingredients list and Googling the word “grog”, I found out that grog is watered-down rum (the ingredients list says they contain “rum flavor”). The “mints” taste like a tropical (rum) drink and don’t have any actual mint taste to them all. I suppose they are called “mints” because they look like mints, have the texture of mints, and come in a mint tin. They taste pretty good - like a rum-flavored candy. It’s not a taste I can see myself ever craving after this tin is finished though.

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So, both the Monkey Mints and the Pirate Mints are good, but nothing special. They’re really better as a novelty candy/tin than they are great-tasting. At least they don’t taste like bacon.

• Monkey Mints at mcphee.com
• Pirate Mints at mcphee.com
• Bacon Mints Reviewed

More candy articles about: candy, sweets, mint, mints, banana, bananas, rum, grog, pirate, pirates, monkey, monkeys, mcphee

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In honor of Father’s Day today, we bring you “Just Like Dad Bubble Gum Cigarettes”, a new product from Archie McPhee:

Satisfy your oral fixation with these classic Bubble Gum Cigarettes. Each 3-1/8″ x 2″ x 5/8″ pack contains twelve 2-3/4″ sticks of bubble gum that are cleverly disguised in a paper wrapping to look like cigarettes. We’re pretty sure that the Surgeon General will have no problem with you chewing a pack a day!

You gotta love that retro packaging! To all the fathers out there, enjoy your children and make some good memories with them. Give them a hug every day and tell them you love them. Happy Father’s Day!

• Just Like Dad Bubble Gum Cigarettes

More candy articles about: candy, sweets, gum, bubble gum, bubblegum, cigarette, cigarettes, retro, fathers day

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If there is one thing I am always saying, it’s that we need more candy that looks like meat. We had Gummi Bacon not too long ago, which was a good start, and now Archie McPhee brings us Gummi (or Gummy) T-bone Steaks. Just like the Gummi Bacon, the Gummi T-Bone is also strawberry flavored. Each delicious slab of strawberry flavored gummy meat is 4-3/4″ x 3-1/2″ and weighs an impressive 85 grams (about 3 ounces)!

Notice the great attention to detail in the packaging - the styrofoam meat package with the sticker on the front just like you bought it at the local grocer’s. You could make a whole meal out of this - pair it with a nice gummi lobster and wash it down with some wine jellybeans. I wonder …. if you’re a vegetarian/vegan, is it against the rules to eat a Gummi T-Bone Steak?

• Gummi T-Bone Steak

More candy articles about: candy, sweets, gummi, gummy, meat, steak, beef, weird, odd, funny, tbone

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(notice the tear in his eye and the freshly-plucked hair falling)

This is mega-weird. If you go to the Snickers Satisfies website right now (see UPDATE2 below for a working link to it), you’ll find a Flash “webgame” that allows you to pluck eyebrow hairs from a disembodied face. The guy on-screen has eight eyebrow hairs you can pluck with tweezers. He yells in pain and a tear falls from his eye every now and then. Something different happens when you pull the last hair (I won’t tell you what).

After you pluck all eight eyebrow hairs, it gives you a message saying “Check back tomorrow for more satisfaction” so I’m not sure if that means the eyebrow-plucking will be gone tomorrow or not, so try it out now. I saved the Flash file from the site though, so if it is gone tomorrow, I may post it here for everyone to try. It’s so weird.

How does this relate to Snickers satisfying you? I have no idea. It’s just plain weird. I guess they are trying to get word of mouth advertising (like the word of mouth I am giving you right now). Aha! I found this press release announcing the opening of the site on August 10, 2005. I wonder if all of them are as weird as the eyebrow plucking? (I also wonder if I could use the word weird more in this post. Weird.)

Ok, according to some other info I have found online, it does indeed change every day, so chance are you won’t be able to experience their eyebrow-plucking on their site.

UPDATE: Even funnier - now all my Google ads on this page are for eyebrow-related stuff! HA!

UPDATE2: Yep - it’s not there anymore. It’s a vacuum “game” now. Here is a temporary local copy of it so you can try it.

SnickersSatisfies.com

More candy articles about: candy, snickers, chocolate, weird, odd, weirdness, flash, game, games, webgame, webgames, flashgame, flashgames, marketing, advertising, website, hair, eyebrow, eyebrows

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