Don’t get me wrong, I love to eat candy any ole time, but isn’t there just something more fun and exciting about holiday-centric candy? The packages. The seasonality. The memories. The novelty. (Who cares that Peeps have now become our year-round companion? It’s Easter! They’re yellow! Dive in!) And, for that matter, aren’t candy-centric holidays just way better than all others? Don’t bother to answer, you know it’s true.

Sadly, however, our calendar is wildly unbalanced when it comes to candy holidays. Sure, Halloween through Easter is an endless sugarfest, but what of March (or April) through October? Nada. Nothing. With the exception of a possible Mothers Day chocolate box, it is entirely diabetic friendly. Well no longer! Here at Candy Addict we are rewriting the calendar (or at least reassigning the cause for celebration), in order to remedy this candy holiday wasteland. Ladies and Gentleman, I give you, in chronological order… the Top 10 NEW Candy Holidays:

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So it’s not exactly candy, but an Addict’s gotta have some reason to wake up in the morning. Sure, grabbing a Snickers and calling it a morning meal is always an option, but for those nutritionally-minded readers looking to load up on vitamins and minerals before noon (I kid, I kid – we all know these are basically incognito candy bars), I – Candy Addict’s resident cereal expert – am happy to bring you our list of Top 10 (or so) Chocolate Cereals. Honorable Mentions go out to Cap’n Crunch’s Choco Crunch, Chocolate Chex, and Life Chocolate Oat Crunch, but without further ado, let’s get our AM sugar fix…

• Top 10 Chocolate Cereals

In no particular order….

• Pennies: Who gives out pennies (or any other extremely low denomination of coin) on Halloween night!? I wouldn’t complain if it was a dollar, but pennies just don’t go as far as they used to. First of all, it is NOT CANDY! Second of all, there are no “penny” candy shops left out there.
• Apples: That isn’t candy! That’s healthy stuff! It is true that there have been a couple of documented razorblade in the apple cases, and that is enough for me to stay away from them. Besides, this is the night for trick or treating, and if you hand out an apple, it is likely to end up in your flower garden or on your roof.
• Raisins: Nope….Uh-uh…Not going in my mouth on Halloween. Unless, of course, they are Raisinettes!
• Advice: “Look both ways before crossing the street,” should have already been beat into my head by my parents. That is not your job as the person who is giving me delicious treats!
• Canned Food: A can of Sugar Beets or Candied Yams might seem great to some people, but it is not something to give to a trick-or-treater. It is likely to end up through a car window.
• Stickers: Yeah, SpongeBob or Superman stickers are cool, but nobody wants them on Halloween. Now if you want to give a piece of candy and a sticker that’s fine, but don’t give just a sticker.
• Coupons: Even coupons for free stuff are no good. Free Wendy’s Frostys or free McDonald’s french fries are normally good, but a kid wants the instant satisfaction of candy. With a coupon you have to remember to take them in the car then convince your parents to stop by to get you something free. Most of the time the coupons expire before you can use them anyway. Say no to coupons.
• A Toothbrush: Yeah, yeah. We all know we should brush our teeth. We don’t need to get that message drilled into us by our neighbors.
• Little Bags of Microwave Popcorn: Anything that requires the use of a 1000 watt kitchen appliance shouldn’t be given to kids on Halloween.
• Homemade Anything: I don’t care if your cookies won blue ribbons at the county fair or your popcorn balls are the toast of the town, don’t put them in my Halloween bag. The parents won’t let us eat anything homemade anyway and your homemade treats will end up getting tossed in the trash anyway. Save your time and buy a big bag of candy at the local megamart.

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