The first thing my little sister said to me when I told her that I scored a gig reviewing candy went something along the lines of the following:

“So what sort of candy are you going to give me?”

I had not even written my first review, and she was already trying to milk the perks. Being the good, older brother that I am, or maybe just feeling guilty remembering all the stuff big brothers put their little sisters through when growing up, I send her care packages every now and then with candy.

When we spoke several weeks ago, I inquired if she had received my latest shipment. She told me she had and continued to explain how she disliked everything I sent her. Mind you, she and I have very different ideas of what constitutes tasty when it comes to candy.

She did explain that as a candy reviewer, I was letting down the general public and her by not devoting enough time to Reese’s products, her all-time favorite. I tried explaining that there were simply no new products to review. This fact failed to placate her. Knowing the wrath a little sister could release, I picked my battle and told her the next time I saw a new Reese’s product, I’d not only review it, but also send her a box of whatever it was.

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Here we are, with the third in my series of four oddly-named candy bars (that is, the Oh Henry!, Look!, 5th Avenue, and U-No).

In 1936 it seemed a great idea to William Luden (of cough-drop fame) to name a food after a street in New York City. Now, sure, linking your candy bar to arguably the wealthiest bit of real estate in the world might seem to be a good move to give your candy some cachet, but present-day maker Hershey should remember this: it also sets high expectations. (Yes, I know there’s a 5th Avenue in Reading, PA, where this bar was made, but don’t tell me they weren’t trying to associate their bar with the famous Manhattan boulevard.)

When you open this big bar (2 oz, 56g), you immediately smell the peanuts. Hershey’s label describes the bar as “crunchy peanut butter in a rich, chocolately coating.” Notice, they didn’t say a chocolate coating. We know what this means, unfortunately. Yup, it’s mockolate.

Still, maybe this candy tastes good anyway. Is it, for example, better than a Butterfinger?

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One of my favorite candies is one you can make yourself. Commonly called Puppy Chow, this concoction - which requires little baking or time - can also be found at Christmas time with names such as Reindeer Food or Kibble. This sweet treat is a Midwest standard at church bazaars, elementary school craft shows and homemade Halloween parties, so you know it’s gotta be good.

Let me tell you from the start that Puppy Chow is some weird-looking stuff. There’s a reason it’s named after pet food. The finished snack is muddy brown with a white chalky-looking coating. But while this treat may not look very appetizing, once you get over its challenging appearance you won’t be able to stop “chowing down.” Kids love it, and can make it themselves with a little help from an adult. Even as kitchen-challenged as I am, I can whip up a batch in a pinch.

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With undoubtedly the strangest name in the candy business, Hershey’s Whatchamacallit is a funny little candy bar. It has a base of peanut butter flavored “crispies” topped by a thin layer of soft caramel, and a coating of rich chocolate encapsulates the whole bar.

The Whatchamacallit and I have a very close relationship, as it was first created only a year before I was born. We practically grew up together. I can’t even remember my first taste of one. Right about the time I learned to ride a bike, the Whatchamacallit was given its tasty layer of caramel. I have a feeling poor Whatchamacallit felt a bit naked before that.

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The Clark Bar has been the Big Foot of my candy life. For years and years I have scoured gas station after convenience store in hopes of spotting this elusive bar. My obsession with it began several years ago when I read glowing reviews of it and its brother Zagnut, a product that was easier to track down.

But my search had always ended in frustration… until now. This past week at Walgreens, in a bag of Old-Fashioned candy packaged by Necco, amidst Banana Splits and Necco Wafers, these Lost Cities of Atlantis appeared as if they were weren’t one of the most difficult candies I’ve ever tried to find.

I had always intended to try the full-sized bar, but this package only sold the miniature version, a small concession for being able to finally sample this product.

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Wrigley’s recent purchase by Mars is just the most recent instance of a candy company being “congloberrated” by a larger one. Though you might not realize it, many of your favorite candies were once manufactured independently of the big names that now produce them. Jolly Ranchers is just one popular example.

This also helps to explain one of the most annoying naming blunders in the history of candy. I am talking about Hershey’s and Reese’s. To the untrained eye, there doesn’t seem to be anything wrong about this, but Reese’s is owned by Hershey’s. Maybe I am also a grammar addict, but I don’t like having to say Hershey’s Reese’s products.

But there is more to my rant, including a valid point. You see, as Reese’s operated on its own merits for so many years, its original products were not supposed to match Hershey’s line, as they were two different entities. Reese’s was the peanut butter candy company that carved a niche for itself with its unique flavor.

When purchased by Hershey’s in 1957, Hershey’s did not change the brand names because Reese’s was already associated with such a popular product that it would be bad marketing to make people start buying Hershey’s Peanut Cutter Cups or Hershey’s Pieces (it just doesn’t have the same ring to it, does it?).

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Butterfingers are gross. There, I said it. They stick to your teeth, they somehow make even peanut butter taste fake, and those orange shards of brittle blah are covered with cheap chocolate that I wouldn’t feed to a trapped miner.

I mention this candy nemesis of mine because today I’m reviewing Chick-O-Stick, a candy that might remind some people of Butterfingers (since both contain peanuts and sugar, both are partly orange, and both have an unusual texture). But I want you to rest assured that I have nothing against peanutty orange candy per se. Just awful peanutty orange candy.

In contrast, Chick-O-Stick is strangely toothsome. They have a chewy peanut-butter-esque thing going on inside, and a quite pleasing toasted coconut-coated exterior.

But what’s with the name?

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The last of the three expired limited edition pieces of candy I purchased from the Dollar Tree Store was the now defunct Reese’s Big Cup with Caramel and Nuts. Honestly, I don’t remember hearing about them when they were out.

Also being frank, I wasn’t too thrilled to get my hands on these any more than I am with any new candy that presents itself. At least with the Hershey’s Special Dark Raspberry Flavored Macadamia Bar and 100 Grand Dark Bar they sounded appetizing. But a Reese’s Big Cup? With caramel? And with peanuts?

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One of my favorite candy bars in the entire word is the Reese’s Nutrageous bar, a slab of choco-peanut goodness that comes wrapped in the beloved and obnoxious orange packaging of all Reese’s products. The Nutrageous bar came on the scene in 1994, when I was in 7th grade, and it was love at first bite, as far as I can remember.

The Nutrageous has everything I look for in a candy bar: peanuts, caramel, and milk chocolate. As an added bonus, there’s the ingredient that really makes the Nutrageous special: whereas most peanut/caramel bars have nougat as their centers, the Nutrageous is held together by a thick, creamy layer of the famous Reese’s peanut butter. It doesn’t get much better than that.

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A lot of people don’t like Butterfingers (I am kinda in the middle myself), but even if you don’t, it’s a candy bar you should appreciate for its uniqueness. Sure, it’s not as good as a 5th Avenue (before they started using mockolate), but it actually predates the Hershey version by thirteen years to be the oldest, most popular peanut butter candy bar on the market.

Over the years, Butterfingers have undergone a variety of changes. They were reinvented as Butterfinger BBs, Butterfinger Stixx, and Butterfinger Crisp (the best candy spin-off to date). Each version offered a new way of consuming the classic flavor with some twist. For those readers old enough to remember the 90s, you might even recall Bart Simpson popularizing the bar with his catchy slogan of “Nobody better lay a finger on my Butterfinger!”

Over the years, one spin off I often saw was the Butterfinger Giant tempting me from numerous candy aisles; however, I never bothered to buy one. I was actually a little confused by them, to be honest. The packing is similar to the über-large Crunch bars Nestle also produces. Since the wrapper reads “Butterfinger pieces in milk chocolate,” I was always left speculating if this was a flattened and large Butterfinger bar, like how Crunch bars are all the same taste, just varying in size, or was this a Nestle milk chocolate bar with Butterfinger pieces loaded inside?

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