
Beware the Destroyer, a strange and powerful being who unleashes unwanted knowledge at unexpected time, often unaware that his or her simple comment has the power to ruin a perfectly good thing for years and years to come.
You may have come across a Destroyer during your lifetime: they often show up around Christmas, or Easter, or whenever one of your teeth falls out after second grade, if you know what I mean. They like to tell you what does or does not exist. They’re also very good at describing the makeup of hot dogs.
I’ve been a Destroyer before, simply by mentioning that I wasn’t a big fan of the cream cheese frosting that lined the top of the carrot cake my very best friend was eating at the time. Horrified at the concept of cream cheese on cake, my friend promptly spit out his dessert and hasn’t had a piece of carrot cake in over 7 years.
I don’t remember who the Destroyer in my life was, but I do remember what they told me: “Eating raw cookie dough will kill you.”




