I’m not a stranger to “healthy” candy, nor are my views on it anything but direct: there really isn’t such a thing. So if you’re looking for a candy that’s going to be something I recommend you add to your diet, you can stop reading now.

That said, I do believe there is a difference between candy and candy that is better for you. And with childhood obesity on the rise, more and more parents are looking for these sorts of confectionery avenues. Kids are always going to want to eat sweets, so you might as well buy them the ones that are not as hard on their bodies.

Recently, I have reviewed products from companies that share this vision for candy, namely from Surf Sweets and BrightSpot, so it’s not all that surprising to hear of more and more companies adopting this mantra. The latest comes from Yummy Earth, who proudly boast a tagline that their candy is “The best stuff on earth.” Hmm… Snapple anyone?

The idea for this company is steeped in genuine love of both candy and children; the founders are two fathers who teamed up develop a candy for their children that didn’t rely on all the additives, preservatives, etc. that are common in most American candy.

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Chocri is a German company that plans to open for business in the US in the new year. Their website allows you to design your own chocolate bars – white, dark, or milk, with your choice of additions, which range from the normal (nuts, fruit) to the more exotic (gold balls, gummy bears, spices).

When they asked if I’d like to order some sample bars to review, I was all “heck yeah,” but as I delved into the site, I began to realize that I am not exactly the ideal customer for this sort of thing. Because A, I have very strong opinions about what flavors go together, and B, I am overwhelmed by too many choices.

So, on the one hand the only things I would be sure I would like were the totally traditional choices like milk chocolate with crispy rice. On the other hand I knew that was totally not in the spirit of the thing. What would be the point of getting a combination that I could get anywhere?

Beyond that, I no longer remember exactly what went on in my mind as I clicked around the options on their site – so many that they claim that more than ten billion combinations are possible. So when the following bars arrived, I thought some crazy person had ordered them:

• White with red rice and mango cubes
• Milk with coconut shavings, candied rose petals and a marzipan rose
• Dark with pecans, sour cherries and orange pepper

Well, on the bright side, they sure aren’t anything you could walk into a store and buy, right?

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The compressed dextrose candy has long been a staple item of childhood candy diets. Never heard of it? You probably know it better as SweeTarts, Runts, and dozens more – that hard, yet powdery, melt-in-your mouth candy with the tangy flavor and slight cooling effect.

With Pucker Pieces Gourmet Candy Tarts, Creative Concepts Inc. (best known for its Pucker Powder powdered candy dispensers) seems to be trying to do for the compressed dextrose candy what Jelly Belly did for the jelly bean: use unique flavors and creative marketing to “gourmet-ify” it, transforming it into something that will appeal to adults as well as kids. Like Jelly Bellies, Pucker Pieces are displayed in bulk dispensers, allowing for the creation of custom flavor mixes.

If you know how compressed dextrose candies are made, it seems like a total no-brainer for a company that specializes in a powdered dextrose candy like Pucker Powder to move to hard tabs: just like the name implies, a powder made from dextrose (a type of sugar) and other ingredients is pressed into molds at super-high pressure, forming it into hard, yet still powdery, candy treats. (Pills are made the same way.) It seems like it would be a very simple matter to press straight-up Pucker Powder (or something very similar) into a more portable, less messy version of Creative Concepts’ flagship product.

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I don’t like gummies. I don’t even remember why, it’s been so long since I tasted any. So why did I buy these? Because I can’t resist anything animal-shaped. And I couldn’t resist the peculiar appeal of an animal-shaped candy with a gut full of liquid.

To be honest, I didn’t really expect these to be good to eat. I expected that I would order an Avenging Narwhal Playset from Archie McPhee and then instead of having the narwhal spear the little plastic penguin through the belly, I’d use these. And they’d OOZE GUTS. And I’d take pictures. What could be better?

But I never got to do that, for a surprising reason: They all got eaten!

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Yogurt-covered dried fruits have been around forever, and with the recent interest in probiotics, it looks like yogurt-flavored candies are making a comeback. Unfortunately, the dirty little secret is that modern science can’t yet convert pure, wholesome yogurt into a form that can be used to coat things. What you’re really getting with 99% of yogurt-flavored candies is white mockolate with a touch of yogurt powder for flavor – and no matter how many live bacteria you cram in there, there’s no getting around the fact that the stuff is more likely to kill you than make you live longer.

(Anyone else out there remember the days when people actually AVOIDED food that might contain live bacteria instead of considering it a selling feature? Crazy, weren’t we? *bites into undercooked chicken breast*)

Anyway, here’s a new product from a company known for making healthy things like grape juice – Welch’s Fruit and Yogurt Snacks. (This All Candy Expo sample is cherry, but I believe they had other flavors on offer as well.) Welch’s original fruit snacks had a steady presence in my school lunch bags in days gone by – they had a relatively high concentration of fruit and were tasty enough, if I recall correctly.

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