I am fussy about what flavors get mixed with my chocolate. Chocolate is pretty much perfect just the way it is.

But coffee and chocolate are one of the perfect flavor combinations. And I was intrigued by the GoGo Beans concept. I don’t drink coffee regularly, but when I need it, I need it – and yet, I am picky about it. If I can’t get a properly made fancy coffee, I’m not one of those people who can settle for instant with non-dairy creamer (eeek!), so a chocolate-coffee candy with extra caffeine could be a useful thing.

But, it’s not a pill you just swallow – it still has to taste good. And when I got these samples, I was so disappointed, I had to get second and third opinions, just to be fair.

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Image from Anthemic Tangle
When I learned that I was going to review Loud Truck’s Red Blast Energy Gummies, I was totally jazzed. Since I read Jamie’s review of the Citrus Blast flavor I’ve been itching to try the Red Blast, as I usually prefer berry to citrus.

The concept of this candy is a cool idea. Gummi bears that give the caffeine buzz of an energy soda without the crash an hour later? Awesome! And, as I’ve mentioned previously, I find biting the heads off gummi bears to be a lovely form of stress relief, so all in all, this seemed like a dream product.

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After my not-so-good experience with Kickbrix energy chews, I was sent a sample of Buzz Bite Mint Chocolate Energy Chews.

Since I love everything chocolate, I was excited to try these because they contained not only chocolate, but also mint. Combine that with some good old caffeine, and I was ready to go.

I decided to try the Buzz Bite Mint Chocolate Energy Chews on a morning where I had not gotten much sleep the night before. Since buying a Nintendo DS, I haven’t gotten much sleep on the days I have to get up for work. On the morning in question, I crawled out of bed, showered, brushed my teeth and got dressed. As soon as I walked into the kitchen, I noticed the nice green tin can that contained the energy chews.

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Package disclaimer: “Not recommended for pregnant women, children, or persons sensitive to caffeine.” (This includes YOU, weird pregnant guy expecting your second kid in June!)

Huh? This is just wrong: A candy bar aimed straight at the shaved heads of wacky, Jack-Ass-style twenty-somethings. In this fast-paced and hectic age, do we really need more buzz? I guess someone thinks so.

The Nestle advertising blitz and buzz (can you sense the trend here?) features online videos of highly energized male and female actors playing the part of young adults shaving one another’s heads and spray painting stencils of the Butterfinger Buzz logo onto their freshly revealed scalps. The ads seem to shout: THESE COOL YOUNG PEOPLE ARE CRAZY AND YOU NEED TO HANG OUT WITH THEM RIGHT NOW!! A paintball gun is even used – that was crazy sick YO! No, just stupid. All this for a candy bar? And not a very good one? Come on.

At the very least, the campaign seems forced. Certain candy icons should never be messed with.

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For those of us who can’t function in the morning without at least two cups of coffee, (or, in my case, a giant Red Bull), the idea of a product that promises the awesomeness of candy plus the benefits of caffeine is hard to beat. And for hardcore caffeinated Candy Addicts, Jitterbeans (or Crackheads Squared) are a dream come true.

I first came across the original Crackheads at last year’s All Candy Expo. The name alone had caused quite a stir, as you can imagine, but as Brian noted in his review of the original Crackheads, it was the addition of white chocolate that really set Crackheads apart from other chocolate covered espresso beans. What I like about the original Crackheads is the sweetness of the chocolate; both the dark and white chocolate used provide a soft, sugary shell for the bitter, crunchy bean within, creating a nice balance of tastes and textures.

Crackheads Squared, or Jitterbeans, as they are alternately known, amp up the taste, texture, and caffeine levels of the original Crackheads. One box of Jitterbeans has 600mg of caffeine – that’s more than 11 colas, 7.5 Red Bulls, or 6 cups of coffee. In other words, you might not want to eat an entire box at once, lest you end up like Jessie Spano on Saved by the Bell.

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