When I think of lollipops, I think of, well… lollipops. I try not to read too much into the whole adult humor and related connotations that can be associated with such a candy. Apparently, the folks at Das Foods think differently than I do.

I was supposed to receive a shipment from them, but for some reason it never arrived at my doorstep, but as luck would have it, they were attending the All Candy Expo, which provided me an opportunity to pick up some samples on site.

It was hard to miss to the Das Foods booth; they hired four dancers from UIUC to perform a Das Lolli dance routine and socialize with the attending clientele. Since most of the people attending the convention were males, I suppose their ploy worked, as there was always a crowd at their booth.

Even the packaging (think something circular within a square, plastic wrapper that isn’t candy) or the taglines of “What’s your flava?” and “Shamefully delicious lollipops” are begging for an adult audience, which is odd given the premise that these are all natural lollipops made without preservatives, HFC, and chemical additives. Seems like a good thing to give your kids, but I’m not sure how you explain what exactly “Man Bait” is supposed to mean…

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I am a huge fan of Archie McPhee. My bathroom is decorated with their matching sushi-themed shower curtain, rug, and trash can; I have their band-aids that look like Crime Scene tape, their toy gun that catapults pigs, their little squeaky monk who’s talking on the phone and drinking coffee…. But you’ll notice something all those items have in common: none of them are supposed to be eaten, or even, like this gum, just chewed.

So here’s the thing: I love the concepts of all of these gums just like I love the concepts of their other products. Gumballs that look like meatballs, wasabi gum – this stuff tickles me to death. But, here at Candy Addict, we are about actually eating things. So: are these just joke gifts, or would a person really want to eat them?

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There are several ways people approach eating candy. One of the main two is nostalgia for a specific candy and the other is the adventure some candies offer; some people just like enjoying their tried-and-true treat from their childhood and others love to try the newest and craziest candy for the experience. As a true Candy Addict, I fall into both categories. That’s why I was especially excited to find a small box of lollipops from Lollyphile waiting for me on my porch when I arrived home from work a few days ago.

Why all the excitement about a bunch of lollipops, you ask? Well, these aren’t just any lollipops. These come in flavors you won’t find anywhere else: Absinthe and Maple-Bacon. By now you’ve either started to drool on your keyboard (hey, happens to me all the time) or you’ve scrunched up your nose in skeptical repulsion. When I first saw the two flavors, I did both.

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Today, we have a guest review from Tanna Reynolds reviewing Mo’s Bacon Bar (remember, anyone can guest write for Candy Addict, drop us an email).

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If you are fortunate enough to live some 892 steps away from a gourmet chocolate shop like I am, then you would be foolish not to trace that path at least once a week to sample the delicious and sometimes unique candies. I’m no fool, but I’m easily led into temptation by the chocolate’s siren songs. To date, I have sampled my way through 32 varieties of chocolates and returned at least 20 times for chocolate-covered honeycomb, a chocolate with which I am particularly smitten.

On my most recent visit to sample the candy man’s wares (trust me, chocolate is serious business to this shop owner/mad scientist), I found myself both intrigued and repulsed by the sight of a large chocolate bar whose wrapper, adorned with a huge bacon slice and a milk chocolate square, boasted of a most unusual blend of flavors. My search had ended, and $9.00 and some obligatory chocolate talk later, me and Mo’s Bacon Bar were headed for home.

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I am amazed at how often bacon and candy cross paths. Candy Addict has done articles on chocolate-covered bacon, gummi bacon, and bacon jellybeans. Now we can add Bacon Mints to the list. When I was offered some Bacon Mints to review, I immediately said “hell, yes!” but wondered what they would taste like.

When the package arrived, it contained two tins of Bacon Mints and two tins of Bacon Flavored Toothpicks (more on those later). Opening the shipping package brought a scent to my nose that I wasn’t prepared for. It was bacony, minty, and had a smell of a hospital. The smell was odd and didn’t hit me as being an appetizing smell.

I opened a tin and took a big sniff and it nearly knocked me over and I don’t mean that in a good way. It was an absolutely awful smell. It’s really hard to describe, but it’s not a smell you want to get a whiff of. At this point I wasn’t really looking forward to trying them, but reviewing candy isn’t all about tasty chocolate – sometimes you must eat some questionable candy.

The mints taste as bad as I thought they would. It was maybe 30 seconds in my mouth and I had to spit it out. It was awful. It’s one of the worst tasting candies/mints I have ever had. Just thinking about it makes me nauseous. I took a tin to work to share with my co-workers too (with fair warning). I set the tin on my cabinet shelf behind me at about 8:00 AM and I could only last til 11:00AM and I had to move them to my car – the smell (even through the closed tin) was overwhelming. Nobody at work dared try them – even the guys that ate crickets with me wouldn’t try them.

My sisters tried them with me one day and we all spit ours out in less than ten seconds. I just tried one more while writing this to make sure the taste was fresh in my mind and palette. Good lord they’re hideous. I’m not sure who came up with the idea of mixing mint and bacon, or who gave the final OK to start making these, but I have to question that person’s sanity. The only good use I can think of for these is hiding ten or so of these in your enemy’s workspace and watching them go crazy trying to find the source of the smell. If I haven’t convinced you not to buy these yet, two tins of 100 mints will run you $4.95. Oh – and for the record – one of my dogs ate one, the other refused.

And the Bacon Flavored Toothpicks? Almost made me gag. Seriously.

I have an unopened tin of the Bacon Mints and an unopened tin of the Bacon Flavored Toothpicks that I must get rid of so leave a comment on this post before Thursday, March 1, 2007 and I’ll randomly draw one of the commenters to get them – be sure and leave a real email address so we can contact you (your email won’t appear on the site). Don’t say I didn’t warn you though.
UPDATE: Congratulations to Austin – he is the winner of the bacony badness!

• Bacon Mints
• Bacon Flavored Toothpicks

candy, sweets, bacon, mint, mints, toothpicks, meat, gross