I’m a sucker for traditional Japanese food and art. But when it comes to traditional Japanese entertainments, my reaction is often “I guess this is what happens when people don’t have TV.”

Neri-Ame is clearly a combination of food and amusement. And who doesn’t like to play with their food? So despite my skepticism about what the traditional Japanese apparently found entertaining (Kabuki theater, I am looking at you) I had to know what this was about.

Neri-Ame is a little vial of colored stuff packed with a small pair of wooden chopsticks, and according to our friends at J-list, the deal is that you pour the syrup on the chopsticks and “knead in order to create a fluffy-like texture before you consume.” Your first question is no doubt, how do you get a syrup to stay on a chopstick? This turns out to be not too hard, as this stuff is about as thick as it can get and still be sort of a liquid.

Then there’s the kneading part. I’ve never kneaded anything on the end of a pair of chopsticks. There are picture instructions on the back of the package which are not too helpful, and I can’t read enough of the Japanese, but how much can there be to it? It would obviously defeat the whole purpose of the thing to take out my big electronic dough-mixing appliance. So, no biggie. I smushed and stretched the stuff around for a while.

Eventually, it starts to change color, becoming opaque and a bit thicker and stretchier. I don’t know about fluffy. If you have ever watched taffy being made at the beach I think it’s a bit like that. You can see the contrast in the photo between the thick, opaque lump at the end of the chopsticks and the clear syrup in the vial (and leaking out onto the table, which, by the way, you should try to avoid).

Then there is the part where you get tired of kneading and taste the stuff. Oof. It turns out that the yellow version is banana flavor, and there are few things in the world of candy that I like less than artificial banana flavor. I will say in its favor, though, that despite what you’d probably expect, it’s not overly sweet. This is one of the nice things about Japanese candy – even stuff that looks like a lump of pure sugar is usually way less sweet than is typical of American products.

The pink color was much better. I’m not positive what flavor it was supposed to be, something bubblegummy or fake-strawberry that was perfectly fine and again, not too sweet. It’s such a pleasure to eat something like this that’s just sweet instead of being painfully, overwhelmingly, teeth-achingly sweet.

This was kind of fun, in a simple-minded way. And definitely not as boring as Kabuki theater or those awful songs that geisha sing. Will it tempt your kids away from their electronic devices? Hey, for a few minutes, at a party – or in a power failure – it’s worth a try. And if you decide you’re crazy about the taste the secret is, as far as I can tell, kneading doesn’t change the flavor at all. Just clip the bottle open and pour it in your mouth – and go watch TV.

Buy Neri Ame Online:

• at J-list

Yesterday I heard words I’ve never heard another human being speak. Ever. Not even Andrew Zimmern. “Mmmm, these maggots are delicious!” Maybe Zimmern has said this, but I’ve never made it more than five minutes into his show before changing channels. I’m more of an Anthony Bourdain guy. But I digress.

From the wacky folks at Archie McPhee I got a package containing Commie Mints, Green Buddha Mints, and Gummy Maggots. Of all the hundreds of items they sell, these are probably among the least interesting, i.e., safest.

The tins each contained roughly 100 chalky white mints the size of baby aspirins. Both the Commies and Buddhas had identical ingredients and were so mild that eating less than six at a time elicited very little minty flavor. I’ll keep the tins and maybe fill ‘em with Altoids or Fisherman’s Friend mints.

The Gummy Maggots looked very lifelike (larvaelike?), but had a distinct rubbery taste over the green apple flavor. (Better than natural maggot flavor, I guess.) Also, the package depicts a smiling cartoon worm exiting an apple – I’m sure a true depiction of maggots squirming around in rotting garbage or a days-old summertime animal carcass would be too off-putting. These seem to be geared toward goofy kids anyway, along with a few people in my office – they’ll eat anything that sounds gross, and usually enjoy it.

Celebrating their silver anniversary in business, Archie McPhee is the retail segment of wholesalers Accoutrements, known more for their kooky and kitschy toys than candy, although we’ve reviewed plenty of their offbeat candy here before. Still, I wish I’d gotten something more fun than mints and maggots. Perhaps a Cherry Flavored Marie Antoinette Head Lollipop, Gummy Human Heart, Black Lung Lemon Flavored Bubblegum Cigarettes, or Shakesperean Insult Gum would’ve been a bit more “krazy.” And they seem to be obsessed with bacon-flavored candy. Why’d I get no bacon?

Despite the subpar candy – the emphasis here is on novelty, not candy – I can’t help lingering over their “Stupid Products” section: Man, I need some Inflatable Toast!

• Archie McPhee Candy
• More Archie McPhee Products at Candy Addict

I am a huge fan of Archie McPhee. My bathroom is decorated with their matching sushi-themed shower curtain, rug, and trash can; I have their band-aids that look like Crime Scene tape, their toy gun that catapults pigs, their little squeaky monk who’s talking on the phone and drinking coffee…. But you’ll notice something all those items have in common: none of them are supposed to be eaten, or even, like this gum, just chewed.

So here’s the thing: I love the concepts of all of these gums just like I love the concepts of their other products. Gumballs that look like meatballs, wasabi gum – this stuff tickles me to death. But, here at Candy Addict, we are about actually eating things. So: are these just joke gifts, or would a person really want to eat them?

The most promising idea of the three seemed to me to be wasabi. Now, some of you laughed at me for being afraid of Pop Rocks in my Chuao Dark Chocolate Assortment article. But I am not afraid of wasabi. I love the stuff. And despite the unconventionality of this idea, I thought it might be good flavor for a gum. Like, candy can be hot-cinnamon flavored, so why not wasabi?

Well, I’m afraid that we still don’t know the answer to the question of whether that’s a good idea, because unfortunately, this gum didn’t taste much like wasabi. It’s a nice appropriate bright green color, and the first couple of chews have a kind of vague, aromatic hint of something vaguely reminiscent of wasabi. But the flavor pretty much disappears very quickly, and it’s never the least bit hot or spicy.

This was very disappointing, but on the bright side, it made the idea of trying the meatball gum less scary, since one really had to hope that it would taste no more like meatball than the wasabi tasted like wasabi. I mean, yeah, the fine print on the box does say ‘bubble gum flavored’ but, those Archie McPhee guys, they’re a bunch of jokers, you know?

But fortunately, indeed these did not taste like meatballs. It was the appearance that was a little disappointing – they’re not as bumpy as the picture on the website looks. But they are still a pretty good gag gift and, unlike the wasabi, one that you’d actually want to consume. They’re not bubble gum flavored in the way I would expect – not like that pink Bazooka flavor – but they’re sweet and vaguely artificial fruity in a perfectly pleasant way.

Now, after my experience with Bacon Salt over at Snackerrfic, I was not looking forward to the ‘artificial bacon flavor’ in the ingredients of the bacon gumballs. But I clicked around the Archie McPhee website and convinced myself that I should just be thankful I wasn’t trying the Bacon Jelly Beans, since I hate jelly beans. I hate gummies too, but the Gummy Bacon is strawberry flavored… OK, OK. I am just procrastinating. Here goes.

Ooooh no. When you unwrap the plastic you can already smell it. Do you think I could just spill it all on the floor and say I couldn’t review it? No, no, then the dogs would get it. OK….

Oh, this is even weird to look at. It’s a sickly dark pink color. It’s not perfectly round.

Also, it’s in kind of tough shape – the candy coating has come off big spots on a bunch of the pieces and there’s crumbs of it all over the bottom of the tin.

OK. I guess I really have to try it now.

Aw. Oh God. This is horrible. Bacon salt is a work of culinary genius, how did I not realize? It is so much better than this. Ugh. It’s not just artificial bacon, it’s also sweet, and sort of chemically. Aaargh.

I had to spit it out before all the flavor was gone. I even brushed my teeth but I couldn’t get rid of the aftertaste. I don’t have any mints in the house, so now I’m trying a Tums, and the combination of mint with fake chemical bacon is not really an improvement. Oh God. This is truly, truly vile. This is beyond the call of duty.

I had to get a second and third opinion, and people, it really is as bad as I say: Even the pugs didn’t want to eat this. They sniffed like crazy and tried little licks, but didn’t try to take it. Please note: There is nothing these dogs won’t eat, including stuff that’s, like, already been eaten and fully processed, if you get my drift? But they did not want to eat these.

In short: Meatball gumballs: edible. Wasabi gumballs: joke gift. Bacon gumballs: send them to your enemies in a package with no return address.

• Archie McPhee Candy
• More Archie McPhee Products at Candy Addict

The holidays are made for candy indulgence – but does indulgence have to break the bank? We’ve attempted to discover just that in the first two parts of It Came from the Dollar Store: The Cheapo Holiday Candy Special. In Parts 1 and 2, we reviewed the tasty Whipped Creme Santa and the not-so-tasty Marshmallow Treats Santa. Now, I bring you the third and final Christmas candy from the fine folks at Dollarama: the Sugar House.

The concept behind the Sugar House is a simple one. It’s a house… made out of sugar. Lots and lots of sugar. It’s then given a gummy “occupant” – in this case, a strange little orange gumdrop man with a Santa hat and Popeye arms who seems to be radiating red icing “heat waves” – perhaps he’s an anthropomorphic flame? Is the Sucrose Shack meant to appear as if it’s in imminent danger of melting into a Caramel House? (In the company’s defense, they also do versions with a pretty decent-looking Santa and snowman.)

As if that weren’t already enough pure sugar to send anyone into diabetic shock, the house and occupant are then liberally decorated with icing. The icing detailing is actually surprisingly nice, with rainbow-colored Christmas lights and a brown chimney on the roof, blue icing “windows” on the sides, and even blue snowflakes (two shades of blue!) and white squiggles on the back of the house where they could easily have gotten away with skimping.

The house is housed (hah!) in a clear plastic cube, but it’s also shrink-wrapped, with a piece of gold string on the top so you can hang it on your Christmas tree. That was my first clue that the Diabetes Domicile is probably meant to be a decorative item first and a candy second. Like the Marshmallow Santa I reviewed in Part 2, it has no name brand, just “Imported by Dollarama.”

When I remove the Chateau d’ Cavities from its protective plastic, I’m surprised to find that it has a citrusy scent – I’d assumed that it was made from pure, unadulterated sugar. It’s a stale scent though, like old icing – it kind of smells like you’d expect those Styrofoam sample wedding cakes in bakery windows to smell. I begin by divesting the Sweet-za Hut of its gummy occupant. Not as easy a task as you’d expect given the copious amounts of icing cementing him to his sugary residence – I wind up having to tear the little guy in half in order to get him out. The gumdrop tastes like, well, an orange gumdrop, not as stale as I feared, with an interesting crunch from the icing. Removing the gummy also reveals a strange icing detail that had been hidden:

Yeah, I’m as confused as you.

Now for the moment of truth. I lift the Confectionery Condo to my mouth and attempt to gnaw off enough to sample. The crunchy royal icing tastes like you’d expect, but the sugar part of the house is surprisingly tooth-friendly. Rather than being grainy like a sugar cube, as I’d originally thought, it’s actually more like a very firm orange-flavored fondant. The thin bottom is hard, but the thicker sides are actually surprisingly soft, almost crumbly. Even the first nibble is enough to set my throat burning from sweetness.

In all, it’s not as bad as I’d feared, but I just can’t eat 100 g (480 calories’ worth) of pure orange-flavored sugar – and you and your loved ones probably shouldn’t either.

So what has our exploration of dollar-store holiday candy taught us? While there is decent candy at the dollar store, particularly if you’re lucky enough to find name-brand items, it’s wise to be picky when it comes to no-name candy. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to wash the taste of all this budget candy out of my mouth with some nice, expensive, good-quality dark chocolate.

The following ingredients will be tested in today’s experiment:

Sweet potato: The Great Chocolate Experiment researchers have been put off of eating their greens by The Great Chocolate Experiment Part 1’s chocolate-covered broccoli experiment. Will nutritious and delicious sweet potatoes, often served with brown sugar and marshmallows, restore our faith in a veggie-chocolate pairing?

Dried mango: These sugared strips of dried mango are so sweet and delicious that they may as well be candy. And as everyone knows, many candies benefit greatly from a good coating of chocolate.

Cheddar cheese: Cheddar is definitely not this researcher’s favorite cheese. But because you asked for it, we will be dunking chunks of Hickory Farms into chocolate and tasting them. Will we live to tell the tale?

Gummy cola bottles: A while ago, I reviewed Nativa Organic Gummy Soda Bottles. And they were pretty good. But one burning question remained in this researcher’s mind: How would gummy cola bottles taste dipped in chocolate?

Procedure:

Step 1: Peel a chunk of sweet potato (the orange kind, not the yellow) and cut into bite-sized pieces. Put the pieces into a microwave-safe bowl with a little water. Microwave on High for about two and a half minutes or until the sweet potato pieces are softened. Drain the water and dry the potato pieces gently with a paper towel.

Step 2: Cut a few pieces of dried mango and some Cheddar cheese into bite-sized pieces

Step 3: Melt some Callebaut dark chocolate in the microwave, following the directions in The Great Chocolate Experiment Part 1). (For easier dipping, use a narrow vessel like a mug.)

Step 4: Use chopsticks or a fork to coat the sweet potato, cheese, mango and a handful of gummy cola bottles in the chocolate. (The chocolate won’t stick to the cheese and wet sweet potato very well, so you may have to spoon some more on afterward.) Arrange on a plastic-wrap- or parchment-paper-lined baking sheet and freeze for one to two hours until chocolate is firm to the touch.

Step 5: Taste all items, preferably with the aid of a Research Assistant and/or Tasting Panel.

Observations:

Sweet potato: Despite receiving a thorough drying after the microwave steaming process, the potato pieces were rather wet – getting the chocolate to stick was a bit difficult, resulting in incomplete coverage of the potato pieces. When pulled out of the freezer, the pieces had a great deal of condensation, which you can see in the photo due to my unfortunate decision to use the camera’s flash to take the shot. (Sorry for the bad photos– I really need to invest in a more consistent light source than the sun.)

Overall, the taste of the pieces was mushy (if a little frozen) and bland. No sweet potato flavor was evident – it could almost have been a regular potato. However, sweet potatoes have been proven to go with sweet things, so another experiment may be in order – perhaps by whipping the potatoes with brown sugar and cinnamon and making a truffle. Milk chocolate might also be a better match for the potato’s relatively mild flavor.

Experiment status: Retest Recommended

Dried mango: Perhaps because we used a fresh cup of chocolate for the mangoes, the chocolate layer turned out rather heavy. The chocolate flavor covered up the subtleties of the mango flavor and most of the sweetness as well. The distinctive piney notes of the mango were completely lost, leaving only a sort of generic, rather sour fruit flavor.

It actually made an interesting contrast to The Great Chocolate Experiment Part 2’s sun-dried tomatoes, which benefited from the more salty/savory aspects of the tomato flavor being masked by the chocolate, leaving something sweeter and fruitier. Here, though, it just turned delicious mangoes into generic blah. A thinner layer of chocolate would definitely be recommended for future tests.

Experiment status: Failure

Cheddar cheese: As you can probably tell from reading the Chocolate Experiments, I’m pretty fearless when it comes to odd food combinations. But I hesitated before biting into the chocolate-coated Cheddar chunk. Perhaps it was a premonition, or maybe just the sheer number of disgusting things I had to put into my mouth today (doing two installments’ worth of tastings in one shot was a bad idea), but I elected to take only a small bite rather than popping the whole thing in my mouth.

The cheese and chocolate almost immediately turned into a creamy, homogeneous mass in my mouth, coating every inch of the inside of my mouth in a thick, greasy layer. The flavor clung to the taste buds and refused to be gotten rid of. And that flavor was vile. Utterly, indescribably vile. There was, in fact, something almost Lovecraftian about the combination of cheese and chocolate sliding down one’s throat in a hideous mockery of fudge, like some kind of eldritch candy horror, utterly alien to and unknowable by human beings. This, my friends, is what candy tastes like in Hell.

Experiment status: Epic Failure

Gummy cola bottles: I thought that the tart flavor and firm texture of the gummy was a decent match for the dark bitterness and crisp texture of the dark chocolate shell. However, my Research Assistant disagreed, declaring the gummies “too sour” to go with the chocolate. “I’d rate them two out of five stars,” she said.

So is there a Choco-Cola in our future? If our mixed results were anything to go by, the answer is a definite “maybe.”

Experiment status: Moderate success

Conclusion:
Unfortunately, today’s experiment failed to produce any standout successes. Though only so-so, the best item we tasted was the gummy cola bottles, and the horrific Cheddar-chocolate combo was definitely the worst. But we were undaunted. Our quest to discover the perfect partner for chocolate will continue. In the interests of Science, we will continue to forge ahead into the unknown!

(You may have noticed that in the last few posts, I’ve been recommending certain items for retest. As to the implications of this… well, stay tuned. And, as always, your ingredient suggestions are greatly appreciated.)

Buy Callebaut Chocolate Online:

• at Amazon.com

+

New Improved Flavor! Companies everywhere seem to think that changing their products will increase sales. From the “new” Coke to putting purple horseshoes in Lucky Charms, big businesses love to change. And doesn’t it seem that the best tasting treats get changed the fastest?

In the late spring of 2008, the 117 year old Wrigley company – best known for its gum – was purchased for $23 billion by Mars, Incorporated. Mars is well known for making candy (such as M&Ms, Snickers, and Starburst) but also markets rice, coffee, and pet food.

Since acquiring Wrigley, Mars has made quite a few changes. Doing away with the traditional five-sticks-per-pack narrow rectangular package, they now offer Wrigley’s gum in a Slim Pack™ – a larger rectangle that now contains 15 sticks. Anyone could live with the new package, but the new “improved” flavor? Well, let’s just say I wish I’d stocked up on gum prior to the Mars acquisition.

Here’s my take on the Mars-ified versions of Wrigley’s Big Four: Spearmint, Doublemint, Big Red, and Juicy Fruit.

I wrote a lengthier review of Spearmint a few weeks ago. Here are the highlights of the new flavor:

Color: Lime green.
Old Color: Off white.

Flavor: The new Spearmint is much hotter than the old and seems to contain peppermint oil now. While the flavor is much longer-lasting now, its intensity is not what you would usually expect from a spearmint-flavored gum.

Bottom Line: People who enjoy a mild, smooth spearmint will not enjoy this new version.

Color: White with green specks.
Old Color: white.

Flavor: This new Doublemint is very strange. I suppose the base flavor is rather similar to the old flavor (albeit a bit more intense), but it now contains green specks that actually crunch when you chew. I have never in my life chewed crunchy gum, and the experience is unpleasant to say the least. Crunchy candy is delicious (Butterfinger Crisp, anyone?), but crunchy gum is… weird.

Bottom line: Weird. Crunchy. Green. Specks.

Color: Red.
Old Color: Red.

Flavor: Hot, hot, hot! Do you like Atomic Fireballs? You will LOVE the new Big Red. As I’ve mentioned, I don’t like hot peppermint, but hot cinnamon is a different story. If you could chew an Atomic Fireball, it would taste just like Big Red. (Actually, maybe you can chew them. I haven’t tried the Chewy Atomic Fireballs.)

Yes, Big Red was always cinnamon-y hot. Now it’s hotter and lasts much longer. I chewed a stick for 20 minutes with absolutely no loss of flavor. I had to spit it out because my tongue couldn’t take anymore! The hot, seared-over sensation lasted for close to a half hour after I stopped chewing. Whew!

Bottom line: If you like the heat of cinnamon oil, chew Big Red!

Color: Bright golden yellow.
Old Color: Off white/tan.

Flavor: Juicy Fruit has always been one of my favorite gums. That sweet flavor just isn’t matched by any other treat. I’m happy to say that Mars has not changed (aka ruined) Juicy Fruit’s flavor. It’s as deliciously sweet as it ever was.

However, good gum depends on texture too. What is the difference between bubble gum and chewing gum? Texture. Chewing gum is usually rather thin and chewy while bubble gum is thick, rubbery and somewhat more difficult to chew. Think back to your kiddie days of chewing Hubba Bubba. Remember gnawing away at it? If you tried to do that now, your jaw would crack!

Be prepared for a strange cross between bubble and chewing gum in the new Juicy Fruit. The rubber content has been decidedly increased, thereby increasing the gnawing factor. This, of course, makes bubble blowing easier. I, for one, do enjoy blowing bubbles even with chewing gum, so I wasn’t exactly bothered by Juicy Fruit’s new texture.

Bottom line: Still delicious.

Wrigley’s line of gum has tasted basically the same for 117 years. They’ve always had excellent sales and were the #1 gum company in the world. A 117 year track record tends to suggest that the products are well-liked by the consumer.

Though I don’t exactly mind the new texture of Juicy Fruit and am not exactly bothered by the heat increase of Big Red, I can’t say that I think either change is very beneficial for the brand. In fact, I will probably not buy Big Red again. I can take that heat in small doses, but….

While I may continue to buy Juicy Fruit, I will never again purchase either Spearmint or Doublemint. The changes made to both of those (especially Doublemint!) sent them down the tubes big time. They took two very tasty gums (fabulous breath fresheners!) and turned them into something unpleasant and unpalatable.

My overall consensus? Bad move, Mars.

• Wrigley Website
• Mars Website

Buy Wrigley’s Gum Online:

• at Candy Crate
• at Old Time Candy
• at Amazon.com

At the end of Part 2, I asked our readers to submit their suggestions for items to test in the next edition. And did you ever! Suggestions ranged from canned frosting to wasabi peanuts to beer, but in the end, only four ingredients could make the cut. So, read on and enjoy this very special edition of the Great Chocolate Experiment…. Because you asked for it!

The following ingredients will be tested in today’s experiment:

Fritos corn chips: Ancient peoples of Mexico and South America were the first to combine chocolate with savory ingredients like chili. Today, we will attempt to determine whether it goes as well with another (totally authentic) Mexican ingredient.

Ham: Until recently, the field of candy making has neglected one major food group: meat. Now, the chocolate/bacon combo is yesterday’s news. Several of you asked for chocolate-coated bacon to be tested, but due to the abundance of existing research data proving the tastiness of this combination, the research team chose to substitute another favorite cured pork product.

Pickles: In this researcher’s opinion, there are few things tastier than a good pickle fresh out of the fridge. But will the taste of a chocolate-coated pickle put the research team off of these tangy treats for life? (We’re using my favorite kosher garlic/dill pickles – because our readers deserve the very best!)

Rice cakes: There’s a reason most people only eat plain rice cakes when they’re dieting – in the research team’s opinion, their flavor is highly reminiscent of Styrofoam packing peanuts. Can chocolate save this snack from boring wholesomeness?

Procedure:

Step 1: Brown a piece of ham steak in a small frying pan on medium heat.

Step 2: Cut the ham, one kosher garlic and dill pickle and a plain rice cake into bite-sized pieces

Step 3: Melt some Callebaut dark chocolate in the microwave, following the directions in Part 1.) (For easier dipping, use a narrow vessel like a mug.)

Step 4: Use chopsticks or a fork to coat the cut-up ingredients and a handful of Fritos corn chips in the chocolate. (Use a separate container of chocolate for the pickles to avoid imparting a vinegar-garlic flavor to the remaining chocolate.) Arrange on a plastic-wrap- or parchment-paper-lined baking sheet and freeze for one to two hours until chocolate is firm to the touch.

Step 5: Have a Research Assistant and/or Tasting Panel aid you in tasting the items.

Observations:

Fritos corn chips: The natural crunchy, corny, salty goodness of Fritos was, unfortunately, largely masked by the heavy chocolate flavor. Even the crunch of each piece was muffled. We were forced to conclude that the pieces had been too thickly coated in chocolate, or perhaps that the dark chocolate was too strong for the corn chips’ milder flavor. A retest may be in order.

Experiment Status: Retest Recommended

Ham: We popped the pieces into our mouths and chewed. And chewed some more. Alas, all our efforts failed to extract any ham flavor, just a dry, meaty texture beneath the coating of chocolate.

“I can’t taste the ham,” I said. “I’m disappointed.”

“You’re disappointed?” the Research Assistant asked incredulously. But I was disappointed after all the hype about the pork/chocolate combination. Clearly our thin ham steak, which had also gotten somewhat overcooked due to my leaving it in the pan while I was outside taking photographs, was not the right ham for the job. I would like to redo the experiment with a meatier chunk of ham and to brown it lightly, if at all.

Experiment status: Retest Recommended

Pickles: The combination of dill, vinegar, garlic and chocolate was… well, it was something, all right. It made my face pucker and my eyes water – and not in a good way like the Super Lemons I reviewed a while back.

Even Assistant Taster Laurie’s Dad, the only one brave enough to try the (surprisingly tasty) garlic truffles in Part 2, pronounced them “like putting perfume on a pig.” (I think that’s Dad-speak for “Blech.”) “They’re not REALLY disgusting, just strong,” was the Research Assistant’s final verdict. Clearly, two delicious things do not always combine to make a delicious whole.

Experiment Status: Failure

Rice cakes: After the unpleasantness of the chocolate-coated pickles, something dry and bland seemed like just the ticket – and there’s nothing drier and blander than plain rice cakes. And despite our valiant efforts, the coating of chocolate did not help this state of affairs in the slightest. My Research Assistant summed it up as follows: “It still tastes like a rice cake.” That alone is enough for me to declare this experiment a failure.

Experiment status: Failure

Conclusion:

Alas, there were no standouts in today’s installment of the Great Chocolate Experiment. But never fear – in a universe of delicious food items, we’re bound to discover at least a few more items that are unexpectedly improved by adding chocolate. The epic search continues in Part 4 of The Great Chocolate Experiment!

(You guys had so many great ingredient suggestions that we’re using a few more of them in Part 4 – stay tuned! And feel free to post any other ideas you may have.)

Buy Callebaut Chocolate Online:

• at Amazon.com

Candy eating can be a bit depressing this time of year. Halloween is over, and the only thing left in the bottom of your kids’ plastic pumpkins are butterscotch Dum Dum suckers and peppermint Star Brites. To make matters worse, the winter holidays are still far enough away that it requires real work to find chocolate Santas and marshmallow snowmen to munch on. And eating candy should never be work.

What’s a person to do? It’s time to troll the local candy shops and specialty supermarkets for something other than the usual candy suspects you find in every gas station in the country. This searching led me to something quite amazing, Anastasia’s Confections Coconut Patties, an oddbird candy treat that features coconut, of course, dipped in rich chocolate. Being a fan of both Almond Joy and Mounds bars, I decided to give the Coconut Patties a try.

Well, Mounds – and Almond Joy, too – eat your heart out. These Coconut Patties have left you in their dust. Coconut Patties are that most pleasant of candy surprises: A treat that tastes far better than it looks.

When I opened the candy’s package, I expected to find something that looked like a Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup. Instead, I found an almost 2-inch square of coconut with only its sides and bottom dipped in chocolate. Yes, readers, Coconut Patties are naked on top! Turns out, though, this really lets the candy’s coconut shine. And the candy’s look wasn’t the only surprise: It was quite tasty, too. The bar was soft and chewy, with lots and lots of coconut. The chocolate is only a cocoa concoction, but is delicious anyway.

Anastasia’s Confections is based out of Orlando, and seems to be a regional favorite there. (It’s nice to see something from that city that doesn’t have mouse ears plastered to it.) The company makes everything from salt water taffy to Choc-O-Gators. That last product explains the first question I had when picking up Coconut Patties: Why on earth does the package feature a crocodile wearing hot pink sunglasses? (I might have thought “alligator wearing hot pink sunglasses.” I’ve never quite understood the difference between the two creatures.)

Odd cartoon mascot aside, I’d recommend Coconut Patties to anyone tired of the same-old bite-sized bars your kids brought home this Halloween. And if you get sick of the candy’s original version, Coconut Patties are also available in Key Lime, almond, orange, pina colada and mango flavors. If they’re as good as the original, you can’t go wrong.

• Anastasia Confections Website

Buy Coconut Patties Online:

• at Amazon.com

I fondly recall candy cigarettes, both the gum and the chocolate versions, but I now wonder if it was some sort of ploy by the cigarette manufacturers to attract future users. Well, no matter! That was then, and this is now, and NOW there are wacky bubble gum cigarettes in interesting flavors from Archie McPhee.

I received four packs to review: Roller Derby (cherry-flavored bubble gum cigarettes), Captain Black’s Pirate (citrus-flavored bubble gum cigarettes), Hobo (campfire coffee bubble gum cigarettes), and El Diablo (cinnamon-flavored bubble gum cigarillos). Each box contains 12 pieces. The boxes, as you can see, sport appealing and quirky designs.

Here is a breakdown of the flavors I tasted:

Roller Derby (cherry flavor): I don’t know if these cigarettes had been sitting around a while, but the paper wrapper was a little difficult to remove. The bubblegum is pretty solid and pretty hard to bite into at first. It softens up quickly, though, and has a pretty decent cherry flavor. The flavor doesn’t last long, but the gum has a nice elasticity and snap to it, so it’s kind of fun to chew.

Captain Black’s Pirate (citrus flavor): Again, the paper was a bear to remove, and the first few bites were real jaw breakers, but the gum softened quickly. The citrus flavor is, well, I wouldn’t exactly describe it as lemony, but I suppose it is citrusy, with hints of lime. Also has that nice snap to it and is very chewy.

Hobo (campfire coffee flavor): I am a big coffee drinker, and I have to say that the odor given off by the cigarettes as I opened the box was not at all reminiscent of coffee. They smelled kind of burned and musky, so I was a bit apprehensive about actually consuming these, but no worries! The cigarettes taste like a gum version of coffee candy – sweet and syrupy. The flavor isn’t terribly strong, but you know, I kind of like these!

El Diablo (cinnamon flavor): I like cinnamon in baked goods, but I have to say I have never been a big fan of cinnamon-flavored candies. These cigarettes don’t have a particularly strong cinnamon scent, though, so I thought they might be okay. I was right! The flavor is not too strong and not at all spicy, but it’s definitely cinnamon. One odd thing, though, is that this gum stuck to my molars and left a gummy residue. I assume (and hope) this is an isolated incident.

So, all in all, these are fun novelty candies. I don’t know if they would be appropriate for daily rotation for hardcore gum chewers, but they are clever and fun and taste pretty good!

• Archie McPhee Candy
• More Archie McPhee Products at Candy Addict

When we were first offered these review samples of Tequila Caramels, nobody on the staff wanted to try them. Tequila and caramel just doesn’t sound very appetizing. Since I enjoy a good margarita and have been known to do a tequila shot or two from time to time, I figured I’d give them a go. The Borrachitos have been made in Mexico since 1946 and have only recently been introduced to the U.S. through Crown Candies.

In my review package I got the Tequila Nuggets and also a pack of Licor De Cafe Nuggets. Each pack contains 24 caramels about the size and shape of penne pasta. They are golden caramel coated in sugar crystals and each has a small bit of white marshmallowy stuff inside. They look very homemade (the box does say “Hand Crafted”) and very tasty.

Unfortunately, that’s where the tastiness ends – there is a very strong alcohol taste (they contain 4% alcohol by volume) and some other odd taste I can’t quite place. It’s like taking a shot of tequila with a caramel chaser. Though this might sound good to some people, it wasn’t for me. Figuring the Licor De Cafe Nuggets would be better since coffee and caramel sounds like a much better combination, I gave those a try. The Cafe De Licor Nuggets are a bit darker than the Tequila Nuggets and again, they have a very strong alcohol taste and that same odd taste I don’t recognize (or like).

I really just can’t recommend these candies. Maybe these do taste good to someone, but for me they were just plain bad. This is one of the few candies I’ll be dropping in the trash after the review because I know I won’t be eating any more of them.

• Borrachitos Tequila Nuggets website