10. Fruit Stripe Lollipops: I, like all chewers of Fruit Stripe Gum, love the flavor, but hate how it disappears so rapidly. The solution? Make it a lollipop! You can lick, suck, and munch on the flavor all you care to, and for true lovers of gum, you could always insert it in the center.

9. Dark Chocolate Almond Baby Ruth: O.K., for starters, I think Baby Ruth is to candy what the Pythagorean Theorem is to math. It’s just that awesome, and I can’t imagine a candy world without it. That said, it’s one of the few popular candies on the market that never was made over to include alternate versions. Some dark chocolate and almonds might just be the thing to spruce it up when you want a little change from a classic.

8. Starburst Gum: So it’s no secret that I don’t like gum. It’s also no secret that I love Starburst. I feel these two can meet somewhere in between and make me very happy. The problem I have with most gum is its flavor; but if there were gum that tasted like the Starburst I adore, I would have no problem chewing away.

7. Gummy Worm Licorice: So I guess this isn’t really a new product in my mind as it is a super-sizing of a great candy. I want gummy worms the size of Twizzlers! The problem with gummy worms is that they are so small, and thus, they find their way into my stomach too quickly. But make them a good eight inches long and sell them in a pack, and there goes my Saturday afternoon.

6. Pumpkin Twix: Pumpkin is a flavor that is unfortunately underutilized in the confection world. Though it could be thrown into a lot of candy out there with great results, I think the pumpkin filling would best replace the caramel part of a Twix. The filling just seems like it would taste great over the cookie part.

5. ButterCrunch: So this is a purely hypothetical situation. What would happen if someone were making a Butterfinger Crisp in a Nestle factory? And what would happen if the vat that contained the chocolate coating were swapped with Nestle’s Crunch Dark? And what would happen then if you made a Butterfinger Crisp bar embedded in a Dark Chocolate Crunch Bar? Well, I’ll tell you what would happen – you’d have a week worth’s of my paycheck buying these things.

4. Jelly Belly Taffy: The only problem I really have with Jelly Bellys, aside from flavors that include buttered popcorn, is that they are sooooooooooooo small. I mean, I can eat a billion juicy pears. But there are hardly that many in a package. The solution? Turn this confection into a taffy so that you get a larger dose of the flavor that you can chew for a while.

3. Crispy Crunchy Reese’s: After my failure with the new Reese’s Crunchy Peanut Butter Cups, I had an epiphany. What if there were a crunchy Reese’s Peanut Butter cup? And not crunchy because of peanuts, or any nut/legume for that matter. I think the insertion of crisp rice or a toasted peanut butter center would taste amazing in this staple product.

2. Pecan Pie Snickers: Pecans are my favorite nut in candy, but they are so rarely used. Why candy makers? Don’t you like pecan pie? I bet you do! You just never thought of using it in candy. Snickers is such a malleable piece of candy that if any bar can infuse the fabulousness of pecan pie into candy, Snickers can.

1. Dark Chocolate Reese’s Pieces M&Ms: I never much cared for M&Ms, but when the Dark Chocolate varieties arrived, the party really got started. I have also always adored Reese’s Pieces, but thought a thicker coat of better chocolate could be added to balance the peanut butter’s strength. That is why if you took Dark Chocolate Peanut M&Ms and swapped Reese’s Pieces for the peanut, you’d have the making of an awesomely addictive candy.

So there you have it. That’s what I would want to see on the candy shelf if I controlled the world. But what about you? Do you like any of my suggestions, or do you have your own improvements to the ones I listed? Even better, let me and everyone else know what you would make if you had the power by posting a comment about your ideal candy below.

• More Top 10 Lists At Candy Addict

This year’s list includes something for everyone, in every price range, so if you’re looking for a great candy gift, this list is an excellent place to start. From chocolates to chews to sweet to sour to fancy to simple, we’ve got you covered. Every candy on this list is quite different from the next, but they all have one thing in common: they are Awesomely Addictive.

• 100 Calorie Bars- Hershey’s Crisp Wafer Bar
• Japanese Candy: Super Lemon
• Pucchoco Almond and Chocolate
• Nestle Heaven Bars
• M&M’s Premiums
• Wonka Tinglerz
• Popsters- Covered Mini Popcorn Balls
• Toffifay
• Giant Chewy Nerds (Nerds Bumpy Jellybeans)
• Reese’s Peanut Butter Egg
• Chocolate Dipped Strawberries From The Chocolate Covered Company
• Delacre Crepes au Chocolat
• Cinnamon Flavored Fire Twizzlers
• BonBonBar Confections

10. SALT WATER TAFFY
Love: It’s sooooo summer in America. You can’t go to a beach town or amusement park and NOT eat it. Plus, it’s so darn pretty, with its myriad colors, dots, and swirls.

Hate: It’s always so tempting with its endless flavors, but inevitably disappoints – they all taste the same! And then it adds the extra gut-punch of pulling out your teeth.

9. CANDY HEARTS

Love: Distinct flavors, plus you have to love a candy that encourages kids to read.

Hate: Too chalky. One too many and you’re throwing up rainbows for the rest of the day.

8. BLACK LICORICE

Love: It can be sweet, and it’s an interesting flavor that brings more to your experience than just sugar. Plus, it’s good for your… ummm… digestion, we’re told.

Hate: “It’s not really sweet or salty or sour or anything describable by human beings. It just makes my tongue go all numb and then I can’t taste anything else for awhile.”

7. DARK CHOCOLATE

Love: It’s rich with lovely overtones and complexities, though it might be an acquired taste.

Hate: Overprocessed dark chocolate is usually too waxy or bitter.

“Blech. I like my chocolate creamy and sweet, not bitter and strong.”

6. CINNAMON CANDY (RED HOTS, HOT TAMALES, ATOMIC FIREBALLS, ETC.)

Love: What can I say, some people just love cinnamon flavored candy. Cinnamon Flavored Fire Twizzlers have even been named Awesomely Addicted by our very own candy cult leader.

Hate: “I never taste spice when I enjoy real cinnamon and never understood why cinnamon candy doesn’t taste like a snickerdoodle.”

“The overwhelmingly fake cinnamon flavor doesn’t do much for me – and why are hot candies always cinnamon? Real cinnamon is not hot at all.”

5. CADBURY CREME EGGS
Love: “I love to bite a small hole into it and suck all the sugary goodness out. Mmmmm.”

Hate: Why would you want to eat a candy that replicates a chicken fetus when you can eat a fully-formed marshmallow version?

“Way waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay too sweet. They actually make my teeth hurt.”

4. CIRCUS PEANUTS

Love: “I’ve always loved the texture, from chewy to melty within a few seconds.”

Hate: “First, the texture and shape are reminiscent of styrofoam package filler. And are they supposed to have an orange flavor? Because they just taste like chemicals to me.”

“These things are just wrong on every level and were invented by parents to try to get their kids to stop eating candy.”

3. MARSHMALLOW PEEPS
Love: “I love the versatility – if you don’t want to eat them, stage scenes with them! Or, if you don’t like them fresh, eat them stale. Microwave them, freeze them, behead them, there are so many different ways to experience their sugary goodness.”

“They are so cute and lovable and squishy. I mean, what’s not to love? I love the crunchy exterior sugar coating and the soft, pillowy center.”

Hate: These have been bastardized by Just Born – whored out to every candy-worthy holiday and almost-holiday in America – thus obliterating their once-a-year appeal.

2. BUTTERED POPCORN JELLY BELLY JELLY BEANS

Love: They’re kind of a nice blend of salty and sweet and, despite an overwhelming majority of haters amongst the Candy Addict staff, they’re Jelly Belly’s number one selling flavor, if you can believe that.

Hate: “I hate these. HATE. They should be thrown in with Bertie Botts, with the rest of the disgusting flavors.”

“The flavor makes me want to be sick.”

1. CANDY CORN

Love: “Good memories of Halloween of yore; I like biting them into the three separate colors and eating them separately – the white is a little bit crumbly, the others are softer.”

Hate: “Candy corn is the bane of my existence. The best way I can describe candy corn is to have Lewis Black describe it for me:”

“The worst thing about Halloween is, of course, candy corn. It’s unbelievable to me. Candy corn is the only candy in the history of America that’s never been advertised. And there’s a reason. All of the candy corn that was ever made was made in 1911. And so, since nobody eats that stuff, every year there’s a ton of it left over. And the candy corn company sends the guys to the villages and they collect out of the dumpsters all the candy corn we’ve thrown away. They wash it!! They wash it!

I’ll never forget the first time my mother gave me candy corn. She said, “Here – Lewis, this is candy corn. It’s corn that tastes like candy”. [high pitched sound] This tastes like crap! And every year since then, Halloween has returned and I, like an Alzhiemer’s patient, find myself in the room, and the room has a big table in it, and on the table is a bowl of candy corn. And I look at it as if I’ve never seen it before. “Candy corn”, I think. “Corn that tastes like candy. I can’t wait.” Son of a b****!”

So I guess that about says it all. Thanks for all the great insight, Addicts! What do you think, readers? Which side do you fall on? What did we miss?

10. Brach’s Caramel Apple Candy Corn

Candy corn is one of those divisive candies that can split an entire room: there are those who like it and those who don’t. Luckily or unfortunately, depending on how you feel about this candy, it tends to appear only around Halloween when haters deal with it for one month and lovers can stock up for the other 11 months with cheap day-after candy sales. Brach’s Caramel Apple Candy Corn is the olive branch to unite these two camps. Presented in a more aesthetically muted color range of white, brown, and red, these tasty treats are caramel-based rather than honey. The change offers a pleasant sweetness that combined with a simple apple tartness provides a surprisingly refreshing, autumn taste for your tongue.

• Brach’s Caramel Apple Candy Corn review

9. Reese’s Crispy Crunchy Bar

I have always liked Reese’s products primarily because I adore the combination of chocolate and peanut butter; however, I could never eat a lot because I just can’t eat that much chocolate without the support of another ingredient to offset the burning sensation in my throat. That is why the Reese’s Crispy Crunchy Bar rocks my world! It offers the same fulfilling chocolate/peanut butter ratio that Reese’s fans love, but combines it with peanut pieces and crispy peanut butter candy hit with a smidgen of salt. It’s like a Butterfinger Crisp and Crunch Crisp Bar got smashed up and Reesified (my new favorite word)! The result is not only a great flavor twist, but also a wonderful texture that gives eaters a wonderful layering of flavors.

• Reese’s Crispy Crunchy Bar review
• More Reese’s at Candy Addict

8. Life Savers Gummies

I was never fond of Life Savers hard candy. Even as a kid I found them too sweet and overrun with artificial flavor. The fact that they were stocked next to the mints in candy stores added to my perception of them as large, circular tic-tacs, and why reach for one when the better tasting Jolly Rancher sat right next to it on the candy shelf? That all changed when Lifesaver Gummies debuted. In gummy form, the candy still retains its trademark shape, but does not have the overpowering flavor the hard candy possesses. The duration of the chew works very well here, as these babies don’t fall apart when you start to grind on them, but they also don’t take forever to get through. Coming in several different flavors from the classic roll to mixed-berry, these subtle tasting candies can save my life any time.

• More Life Savers at Candy Addict

7. Mike and Ike Tangy Twister

The original Mike and Ike candies are what I call “eh.” The main issue I have with them is that none of the flavors are that compelling, as the candy not only tastes artificial, but also quickly loses its flavor. Also, the unusual viscosity of the gel makes them rather odd when chewing through; does anyone else just suck the candy coating away to be left with the clear gel pellet that resembles clear bullets that you can spit at your older brother? That all changed with Mike and Ike’s release of vamped spin-offs. From Cherry Cola to the recently released Lemonade Blends, all the derivatives of the original candy surpass its creator, with the Tangy Twister being the best tasting of all. The flavors in this pack run the gamut from apple to citrus punch, which is a nice change from being pegged as the berry or sour genre pack.

• Mike and Ike Tangy Twister review

6. Tropical Dots

Dots are one of those candies that were developed for an older generation. Though they have never been vastly popular, they always seem to present themselves in whatever candy aisle you are in, kinda like the way Alec Baldwin shows up in a lot of movies, but you’re never quite sure why. The main problem with Dots, aside from their stickiness, is that their flavors are so subtle that they tread into bland waters. The release of Tropical Dots did away with this claim. Though just as annoyingly sticky as their original counterparts, the introduction of bolder flavors, such as island nectar and carambola melon, took these average candies and kicked them up a much-needed notch. They come in a variety of sizes from small Halloween boxes to movie style boxes, but if you are anything like me, you’re just waiting for the cereal-sized box.

• More Dots at Candy Addict

5. Tropical Skittles

As a kid, I always was a fan of gummy over chocolate candy. The main reason boiled down to an imaginary rivalry I had between M&M’s and Skittles. They were the two colorful candies that built their empires around similar premises: candy that was circular-ish, came in a slew of colors, and had a letter imprinted on it. Skittles always won my heart because, as much as M&M’s ruled, I liked the variety of flavors Skittles offered to the lone chocolate M&M. The issue with Skittles is that the original bag, though tasty, serves up the traditional, and frankly, boring flavors one expects. Taking a great idea and making it better, Tropical Skittles offers the same chewy texture and mouthwatering experience original Skittles brings to the party, but does so with novel flavors. Rather than rely on one, each skittle in this bag is an infusion of two fruits, such as mango tangelo and pineapple passion fruit.

• More Skittles at Candy Addict

4. Sour Jelly Belly Jelly Beans

I love Jelly Bellys! They on their own are one of my favorite candies. So you might be asking yourself why I think Sour Jelly Bellys have outdone the original? Well, let me clarify: I love certain Jelly Belly flavors. The problem is when I am sitting in a movie theater, where it’s dark, I cannot see which flavor it is and therefore can’t avoid picking the ones I don’t like. Sour Jelly Bellys remedy this problem completely. I enjoy each of the ten flavors in this spin-off from blueberry to raspberry. Though the name implies they are sour, they really are just a tart version of their fruity counterparts, offering the same joy fans of the original know and crave. Now I can happily dip my right hand into a bag of Jelly Bellys at the movies without fear of it coming across buttered popcorn, something I will let my left hand do with the real thing.

• More Jelly Belly at Candy Addict

3. Tootsie Pops

My grandmother always kept a dish of Tootsie Rolls for her bridge gang and offered me the candy whenever I visited. When I am offered a bowl of candy, there is usually no evidence that there was candy in it when I finish; however, there were always leftovers in her bowl. That is because I could only eat a few Tootsie Rolls due to the constant effort of chewing on them that hurt my jaw. The creation of the Tootsie Pop resolved this. Not just a lollipop, not just a Tootsie Roll, the Tootsie Pop took the right amount of Tootsie chocolate a person can stand in a serving and coated it in a fruity (excluding chocolate) candy shell. The coating itself is sweet, but not overly so, and most importantly, comes in a variety of flavors that actually mesh well with the chocolate when you take that last crunchy bite. Tootsie Pops remain modern having now also updated their arsenal of five classic flavors with the release of strawberry, blue raspberry, watermelon, lime, and pomegranate.

• More Tootsie at Candy Addict

2. Hershey’s Kisses (various flavors)

2007 was one of those “bleh” years for me where not much occurred. One exception was Hershey’s Kisses 100th anniversary. To commemorate this event, the company issued a variety of limited edition flavors every month. On their own, Hershey Kisses never did it for me, as I much preferred just biting into a Hershey Bar; these revved up babies delighted me to no end. It was always exciting heading down the candy aisle every month to see what new flavor was awaiting me, providing the highlight to my year. There were many flavors that blew me away so this is a general commendation, but special mention goes out to Dark Chocolate Cherry Cordial, Peppermint, and Cocoa Kisses. Side note, shame on you Hershey’s for Candy Corn Kisses (shudders).

• More Hershey’s Kisses coverage at Candy Addict

1. Dark Chocolate Peanut M&M’s

I never thought an M&M could be special. They were just the staple candy. Spin-offs of the classic include peanut, almond (my old favorite), crispy, and peanut butter M&M’s, but these versions never were anything mind-blowing either. So you can understand my skepticism in finding anything of merit in the dark chocolate counterparts recently released. Boy was I taken away! Tasty dark chocolate envelops a peanut that is in turn coated with the classic thin shell that yields a nice crunch and soft chew upon first bite. The added presence of the peanut not only reinforces the crunch, but also the slightly salty presence combined with the winning combination of nuts and chocolate make this a real winner. If only they made a dark chocolate almond M&M.…

• Dark Chocolate Peanut M&M’s review

• Butterfinger Crisp
• Giant Chewy Nerds
• M&M Premiums
• Snickers Dark
• Cinnamon-Flavored Fire Twizzlers
• Twix Java
• Strawberry 3 Musketeers
• Nestle Crunch Crisp

To heck with Christmas – summer is definitely the most wonderful time of the year. You’ve got warmth and sunshine, barbecues, beers on the patio, and outdoor sports. And in my home town of Edmonton, Alberta, summertime is Capital Ex time. That’s our local midway, recently re-branded from Klondike Days. (Considering that our claim to the old name was basically “During the gold rush, some guys stopped here for a beer on their way to the Yukon,” I figure the change was long overdue.) But whatever the name, the big draws remain the same: rides, midway games, and, of course, delicious, delicious carnival food. So on a recent Saturday, I braved the crowds at the Ex in an attempt to determine the top five carnival candies. (The things I do for you readers! Wink, wink.) The results were as follows:

5. Caramel corn

Caramel corn is one of those treats whose very status as a candy is open to debate. Though largely made up of popcorn, usually considered a snack food, the glossy caramel exterior is all candy and completely counteracts whatever small amount of nutrition may come out of the popcorn kernels. It’s usually sold prepackaged, so the carnival booths don’t even have to pretend they made it fresh like they do with regular popcorn. Caramel corn is certainly tasty (provided the little bags haven’t been sitting in the sun for so long that they’ve gone as stale as old circus peanuts). But let’s face it – as a carnival candy, caramel corn isn’t all that exciting. No one goes out of their way to buy caramel corn at a carnival when there are so many other interesting things you can’t get anywhere else.

4. Fudge

Let’s face it – pretty much everyone loves fudge. It’s soft, it’s sweet, and it comes in enough flavor varieties to stun even the most jaded of carnival-goers. However, as a carnival candy, fudge gets a low score because of its impracticality. The typical carnival-sized slab of fudge is way too big for most people to eat in any way other than a nibble at a time. This means you’re going to be carrying a huge mass of soft, melty chocolate candy around in the hot summer sun for with only a thin layer of plastic wrap to protect the inside of your pocket or bag. Because there’s nothing like sticking your hand into your pocket for a couple of ride tickets and coming out with a brown, gooey mess.

3. Candy apples

Fruit? As candy? Like caramel corn, it’s not what’s on the inside, but what’s on the outside that counts. The apple inside the candy apple may be old and mealy from sitting in the sun all day, but no one really minds – that shiny, glossy candy or caramel exterior will draw ‘em in every time. Increasingly, candy apples are also being coated in all kinds of interesting extras: M&Ms, crushed Oreos, gummi bears, and more. (I wouldn’t count on them to help you keep the doctor away, though.) The stick keeps all of that sticky candy away from your hands at a place where sinks are likely few and far between, because sticky hands could really throw off your chances of knocking over enough milk cartons to win your girlfriend a giant stuffed walrus.

2. Cotton candy

What’s a carnival without a big wad of pink fluff (or, if you’re feeling really adventurous, blue fluff) turning slowly to sugar syrup on your tongue? It’s nothing, that’s what it is. If you’re really lucky, your carnival will have cotton candy on a stick, swizzled up fresh from a cotton candy machine in fresh, light, ethereal wisps by a carnie with little sugar burn scars all up his arms. If not, you’ll have to settle for the stuff in bags hanging from the roof of the concession stand – probably made in a factory somewhere, crammed into those plastic bags and hauled around from carnival to carnival until it has compressed to the texture of fiberglass insulation. Don’t worry, though – even old cotton candy is still darn good stuff. And because it’s mostly air, it’s actually one of the healthier of your carnival food options – you can down it by the fistful and probably not even get a fifth of the calories and fat in our number one best carnival candy.

1. Deep fried chocolate bars

What do you get when you combine the artery-clogging goodness of deep-fried carnival favorites like funnel cake and mini donuts with the gooey sweetness of Mars, Snickers, or Milky Way bars? Why, a dough-covered, deep-fried chocolate bar, of course! (Come on, this isn’t rocket science, people.) In all probability, the deep-fried chocolate bar originated in Scotland, the nation that has also brought us the deep-fried pizza and the deep-fried Oreo. Like a particularly greasy carnie working his way across America, the deep-fried chocolate bar has worked its way across the Atlantic – and into our hearts (by way of our arteries). Alas, I did not have the opportunity to taste a deep-fried chocolate bar at the Ex this year, but our writers have already written extensively on deep fried candy. For the sheer audacity of its very premise, its utter lack of any kind of nutritional value, and its almost total unavailability at any time except carnival time, I declare the deep-fried chocolate bar to be the number one greatest carnival candy of all time

So, what would you put on the list? Leave a comment and let us know!

Don’t get me wrong, I love to eat candy any ole time, but isn’t there just something more fun and exciting about holiday-centric candy? The packages. The seasonality. The memories. The novelty. (Who cares that Peeps have now become our year-round companion? It’s Easter! They’re yellow! Dive in!) And, for that matter, aren’t candy-centric holidays just way better than all others? Don’t bother to answer, you know it’s true.

Sadly, however, our calendar is wildly unbalanced when it comes to candy holidays. Sure, Halloween through Easter is an endless sugarfest, but what of March (or April) through October? Nada. Nothing. With the exception of a possible Mothers Day chocolate box, it is entirely diabetic friendly. Well no longer! Here at Candy Addict we are rewriting the calendar (or at least reassigning the cause for celebration), in order to remedy this candy holiday wasteland. Ladies and Gentleman, I give you, in chronological order… the Top 10 NEW Candy Holidays:

10. EARTH DAY (4/22)
Yeah, it’s great to celebrate Mother Earth, but wouldn’t it be even better with all green candies? Enough of this marketing green M&Ms for Valentine’s Day. Frankly, I find it a bit greedy. (You already have red and pink!) Let’s let the tree huggers devour these emerald chocolate buttons and all their similarly hued friends on a day that really celebrates their palette. (An alternate option would be recycled candy, but I find that slightly less appetizing.)

9. MEMORIAL DAY (last Monday in May)
For one special day, let’s bring back some of our fallen favorites. Bonkers. Bar None. Wacky Wafers. The original Good ‘n Fruity.

8. NATIONAL CANDY MONTH (June)
It’s Ramadan for Candy Addicts. Except opposite.

(Image Courtesty of Mackenzies Chocolates)

7. FATHER’S DAY (3rd Sunday in June)
Mother’s Day already has a respectable candy tradition but, until now, Father’s Day has mostly been the domain of tools and ties. No longer. Are you thinking what I’m thinking? That’s right… hollow chocolate dads. Like hollow chocolate bunnies. I’m picturing Bob the Builder-esque statues doing dad-like things: golfing, mowing the lawn, bringing home the bacon, knocking back a couple gins. (Wait. What?)

6. FOURTH OF JULY (7/4)
Has ever there been a better partner for this holiday than Pop Rocks? Seriously, how has this not yet been thought of? They’re fireworks. That you eat.

5. AUGUST 9TH (8/9)
That would be my birthday. Let’s face it, August needs a candy holiday and it’s my calendar so why the heck not? I’m thinking the best way to celebrate might be with things that don’t melt, so I’m gonna go with jelly beans and gummi bears as the sanctioned treats, but then again, the next day is the official S’mores day (seriously, it’s true), so if you want to start in early on your campfire confection, as the de facto queen of the day, I’ll allow it.

4. LABOR DAY (first Monday in September)
Labor-intensive candies. Lots of chewing. Now and Laters. Taffies. Gummies. Caramels. Slo Pokes and Sugar Daddies. The kind of stuff that gives you TMJ. (Note: The day AFTER Labor Day will heretofore be known as Send Your Orthodontist’s Kids to College Day)

3. INTERNATIONAL CHOCOLATE DAY (9/13)
Hershey’s, Cadbury’s, Ghirardelli, Toblerone. Holding hands and singing in unison.

2. SWEETEST DAY (3rd Saturday in October)
Valentine’s oft ignored and forgotten step-brother? Pshaw. Let’s help this day live up to its sweet name. Sugary treats for one and all!

1. HALLOWEEN EVE/NATIONAL CANDY CORN DAY (10/30)
I don’t think it’s a coincidence that National Candy Corn Day happens to fall on October 30th. Think of it as a warm-up for the main event.

So there you have it – a well-balanced year of candy consumption. Sure, sometimes it’s nice to have an off-season and yeah, some things are most appreciated after a lengthy absence. But candy? Nope. Sorry, not buying it. Now if you’ll excuse me, it’s National Candy Month and I have some sacred services to attend.

• Top 10 Chocolate Cereals

I like to think that I’m not the only person who has a long list of embarrassing moments. We’re all human, after all, and I know at least some of you have accidentally walked into a wall or two or ripped the seat of your pants at an inopportune moment. These things happen–possibly to me more than most. As a result of my undeniable knack of humiliating myself and my likewise undeniable love of all things candy, I’d like to share with you my Top Five Most Embarrassing Candy Moments.

5. The Chocolate in my Pocket. After an intense conversation about my future with The Boss at work one day, I made an emphatic gesture with my hand and then shoved it into the pocket of my pants. I immediately felt the undeniable squelch of a forgotten and completely melted piece of a formerly wrapped Dove milk chocolate. Apparently, I made a face. The Boss asked what was wrong and I was forced to admit what had happened.

4. The Sweatshirt of Shame. On my sixteenth birthday, my mother had the bright idea to take an oversized teal sweatshirt and safety pin wrapped pieces of candy all over it. My mother claimed this was the thing to do for a “sweet sixteen” and insisted that I wear the atrocity to school.

3. The Gummi Bear Choke. While on a date, I choked on a green gummi bear. Not just tears in the eyes and a slight cough but an all out I-thought-I-was-dying choke. Luckily, I didn’t. But is there much worse than almost kicking the bucket in front of a cute boy? And the cause of death being a gummi bear?

2. The Hershey’s Slumber Party. After celebrating New Year’s Eve several years ago, I ended up sleeping on the floor of my pal’s living room. The next morning, I woke up completely covered in streaks of chocolate. I had somehow managed to fall asleep on several Hershey’s Kisses. During the course of my tossing and turning, they left chocolatey trails all over my clothing and face. Yes, there were many witnesses. No, they have never let me live this down.

1. The Chocolate Chamber Pot. I held a fundraising event in my home last fall and to class the joint up a bit, I borrowed a friend’s chocolate fountain. The night was heaven – the chocolate flowed like wine, and the wine flowed like…even more wine. Toward the end of the evening, I decided to enlist one of the dozen remaining guests to help me clean the chocolate fountain. I then dumped the molten chocolate into my toilet. I like to think I’m a pretty intelligent person, but I must admit I was genuinely shocked when the chocolate solidified and completely clogged the toilet. An hour and my dignity later, the bathroom was again functioning.

So that’s my list of embarrassing candy moments. Anyone else have some to share? Surely I’m not alone in candy embarrassment??? Please leave your own most shameful candy-related moments in the comment section. Misery loves company, right?

The list below is a list of those 15 candies that earned our highest honor. Some are a little expensive, and some are cheap, so there should be something on the list for everyone’s budget. (The list is in the order that we reviewed them this year.)

• Vertigo – Candy & Chocolate Flavored Pops
• Caffe Acapella Coffee Bars
• Meiji Rich Strawberry Bar
• Amano’s Single-Origin Dark Chocolate Bars
• KitKat iStick
• Chocolates from Ms. Chocolate
• Route 29 Napa Candies
• Chocolate Covered Potato Chips and Popcorn from Sugar Plum
• Pretzel Pete Chocolate Peanut Butter Pretzel Gems
• Dark Chocolate Peanut M&M’s
• Strawberry 3 Musketeers
• Twix Java
• Nestle Crunch Crisp
• Chuao ChocoPods
• sweetriot

holiday, gift

Kids tell stories, stories become myth, myth becomes legend. And what else could provide more inspiration than candy? Sit back, relax, and get ready to savor the…