Is there anything to rival the innocent sweetness of a Little Debbie treat? From the extreme simplicity of their classic goodies to their chemist-friendly ingredient lists to the cute little girl whose portrait adorns every box, the brand embodies pure, sugary nostalgia. Ever since the 1960s, when the CEOs of McKee foods decided to name a line of snack cakes after their granddaughter, this line has brightened many a day.

Crossing paths with Debbie at the supermarket or gas station always brings a smile to my face. These chance encounters bring to mind lunchtimes in preschool and kindergarten, during which Debbie and I became acquainted. Those years were simpler for us all, and whether or not we could expect to find something so tasty in the day’s lunchbox seemed an important issue. Too often, the presence or absence of a Swiss Cake Roll would determine my mood for the afternoon.

Yet for whatever reason, my relationship with Little Debbie has become less intimate in recent years. We see each other, sure, but we don’t touch, or (most importantly) taste. I feel at times that the freckled, curly-haired youth and I have grown estranged. So it came as a pleasant surprise one recent evening when my boyfriend arrived carrying an armful of Little Debbie’s beloved Nutty Bars.

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The Earth’s environment is crumbling around us. Actually, it has been for some time. Most of us would like to protect our planet. After all, as wonderful and convenient as the digital world is, most of us would like to introduce our kids to a non-virtual reality.

But without being a scientist, or being independently wealthy, what’s a person to do? Well, you can recycle, but Candy Dynamics has cooked up an alternative that’s far more fun. Now, you can help the Earth by eating toxic waste!

Yes, you read right! Toxic Waste candies are whacked-out novelties with a mission. With each purchase of a Toxic Waste product, a share of the profits are donated to an environmental protection group. The theme is cute, if slightly creepy.

Aside from a heaping helping of sour, I didn’t really know what to expect when a large box from Candy Dynamics arrived at my door last week. I like jelly belly sours, sour gummi belts, and IceBreakers Sours, but I’m not much of a Crybaby fan. Aside from Trident “Sour Strawberry” gum, I didn’t really have any experience with gums in the sour canon. The packing list described the gum as “Hi-Voltage”. I wondered what I was in for.

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While on a mission at my local Ralph’s, ostensibly for drinks and cleaning supplies, I decided to make a detour into the candy aisle. I didn’t expect to buy anything, as I’m fond of spending as little as possible, and only tend to indulge in my sweeter passions when they come at a decidedly inexorbitant fee. As it turned out, deviance from my intended path proved unwise. The store was holding a major chocolate sale – and Hershey’s bars weren’t the only discounted items.

Indeed, sweets from all over the world were marked down! Hazelnut-studded Ritter squares from Germany touted their half-priced goodness alongside super-dark French varietals which, even after their markdown, sold for $4.50 apiece. While all of these were tempting, my eyes were drawn to the Cadbury selections. At 4/$3.00, the British candy maker’s offerings were competitively priced with the offerings from Hershey’s and Nestle. How could I resist? Four scrumptious-looking Cadbury bars were on display, and one of each found its way into my basket. Three extraneous dollars later, I was out the door with my British booty.

Arriving home, I arranged the bars before me on the kitchen table and took inventory. My collection, swathed in a wrap of regal purple, included Cadbury’s Dairy Milk, Royal Dark, Fruit & Nut, and Caramello bars. I eagerly opened my first 99-gram (3.5 oz.) bar and bit in.

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Mints have never been at the forefront of my candy addiction. I don’t know if my view is unusual, but I’ve always considered the tiny sugar-tablets more a quick breath-freshener than something tasty and crave-worthy. A flavorful hit in the absence of chocolate or gummies, but not really satisfying in the same way, y’know?

Well, if Archie McPhee has anything to do with it, the conversion of the lowly from afterthought to main event is in short order. From grog to garlic, no flavor is off-limits from the Seattle-based novelty maker. I recently received three tins of mints to review: Cupcake, Mochaccino, and Absinthe. As I’d expect from the company, packaging was kitschy and adorable. But would their taste transcend everyday minty doldrums?

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Today’s chocoholics are more demanding than ever before. There was a time, perhaps half a century ago, when “chocolate” meant “chocolate.” As our parents and/or grandparents skipped home from school, they contented themselves with plain Hershey or Snickers Bars. They didn’t give any thought to the quality of their chocolate, its regional origin, or its physical attractiveness. They didn’t care about cacao percentages or exotic flavorings. Unless they happened to be in the culinary field, neither did their parents. In that simpler era, all that most people considered was whether or not their chocolate tasted sweet, good, and at least slightly chocolaty.

It doesn’t take a cocoa connoisseur to see those days are far behind us. With dark chocolate now labeled a “health food,” it seems like new purveyors of handcrafted artisan chocolate materialize every day. In an effort to keep up with trends, retain old customers and attract new ones, old-standby chocolate makers such as Hershey have released lines of upmarket chocolates, often quite successfully.

On a recent trip to CVS, I noticed that old standby chocolatiers Whitman’s/Russell Stover, best known for their holiday chocolate collections, have gotten in on the act. While perusing the already center stage Valentine’s Day candies, I picked up Whitman’s “Soho” collection. I’d seen a similar collection the year before. I’d passed it by, less than eager to spend $5.00 on a 6-piece selection of drugstore chocolates, but my curiosity won out this time.

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