(image courtesy Cosmo’s Vegan Shoppe)
As far as I’m concerned, marshmallows have four practical applications:

1. Direct snacking (good)
2. Hot chocolate (better)
3. S’mores (best)
4. Rice Krispies Treats (sublime, to be sure, but labor-intensive and, as such, ignored here)

Armed with this intimate understanding of what I like to think of as little sugar pillows, I embarked on a three-part sampling of Dandies Vegan Marshmallows to give you, the Candy Addict reader, the most comprehensive look possible at this exciting product.

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I am convinced that the Universe is conspiring to prevent me from enjoying Amano chocolate. Allow me to illustrate for you my history with Amano and, well, the Universe.

Instance #1: About a million years ago (or seven months, give or take), I was offered the opportunity to sample and review Amano’s Jembrana dark chocolate bar. I eagerly accepted but, whilst awaiting my chocolate shipment, eventually forgot about it. Sometime after the holidays, I was reminded of the pending review and, having never received the samples, had no choice but to forfeit the article.

Occurrence #2: Out of the blue I received an email from Amano’s (lovely) PR people informing me that they had recently sent me their trio of new creations and I should keep an eye out for them. And, you know, if I wanted to write a review of ‘em, that’d be cool. Woo-hoo! A second chance! And free chocolate! Rarely does one get either of those, let alone both. About two weeks later, still sans samples, I realized that I had moved since the first time Amano tried to send me something (unsuccessfully, as you’ll recall). Well, free chocolate for the new tenants of my old apartment, at least.

Encounter #3: An actual encounter! After reporting back to Amano with my new address, they quickly sent another package and, it turns out, the third time IS the charm, because this one physically made it to my apartment. In Los Angeles. In May. That’s right, melt-o-rama. But I couldn’t bring myself to relay this back to the company. (I mean, at some point they were gonna start thinking I was just stealing all their chocolate, right?) So I popped these suckers into the fridge after their long journey and figured I’d check back with them later.

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All right, someone out there (and forgive the stereotypical assumption, but I’m thinking it’s one of the lady-folk) has found Aladdin’s lamp, because calorie-free chocolate has arrived! Unfortunately, it comes with this official Candy Addict caution: Granted wishes don’t always take the form you expect them to.

Brainy Harvard professor and inventor David Edwards has recently unveiled Le Whif, a breakthrough creation that allows chocoholics to inhale (through their mouths) chocolate particles (or, let’s call a spade a spade here, powder) so minuscule that they deliciously dust the sides of one’s mouth and tongue without so much as registering on the calorie scale. It’s an intriguing concept that’s kind of hard to imagine in practical form, so my interest was piqued when I was offered the chance to sample this fantasy product.

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I would like to take a moment, if I may, to talk arithmetic. Addition, specifically. Addition is good; it means more – more numbers, more money, and in the best scenarios, more candy. Addition can be a tricky thing, though. Like with ingredients, for example. That whole too-much-of-a-good-thing thing. It’s sometimes hard to tell where that line is exactly, where a good thing becomes a very, very bad thing. I mean, if you start with a good ingredient and you add another good ingredient and the result is better, and then you add yet another one and get an even better result, I can see how one might be led down a dangerous path.

However, despite the understandable nature of such a misstep, it is snackably (I love how Candy Addict lets us just make up adverbs like that when we want to) unforgivable and, by my assessment, the very one made by CJ’s with a selection of their Bitz – an offshoot of their flagship Stix – products. Too bad, too, it’s a mathematical travesty, really.

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I am, admittedly, not a big fan of sharing. At the risk of making myself appear greedy, selfish, and all-around less likable, I will openly acknowledge here that my own personal philosophy is that every effort should be made to minimize the amount of sharing one ever has to do. Sure, there are exceptions when sharing is okay – sometimes even nice (think first-date milkshake with two straws, cable bills, and household chores) – but as a general rule, I think it’s best avoided.

When I received my generous shipment of Ugly Truffles and Damn Good Cookies from Chocolate Gourmet, however, I immediately recognized that the only way I’d be able to review such a quantity of treats in a timely manner, without making myself deliciously ill, would be to invite my friend, a sweet-toothed vixen herself, over for a night of eating chocolate. And oh, what a night it was.

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