As I’ve said before, I can’t resist an animal-shaped candy. And when I saw these Jelly Rats in Ikea, I figured that even if these weren’t good to eat, they would be a good joke for my reptile-keeper friends. After all, why should the animals be the only ones who get to eat rats?

But after my recent surprising positive experience with the Trader Joe’s Gummy Tummy Penguin, I was more open-minded to the possibility that these might actually be good to eat. So I tried them myself.

There seem to be four flavors, of the yellow, light-green, orange and red varieties. They are fruit flavors, in a vague way. I found the red kind of nasty and the orange dull, when orange is usually my favorite fake-fruit flavor. The other two are innocuous.

The texture is pretty soft, only a little chew to it. And they’re only vague rat-shaped. Basically these are tolerable, but they’re no gummy tummy penguins.

I was also intrigued by Godis Gula Snören because, well, they are called Godis Gula Snören. I guess this is real Swedish, you couldn’t make this stuff up, right? Also, toffee flavor laces seemed exotic, if not necessarily a good idea. But I was willing to give it a try.

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I don’t know about you, but when I think Altoids, I don’t think fruit. They’ve done a good job promoting themselves as a mint company. When I saw these I thought, aren’t they just making trouble for themselves by branching out? You do one thing well – why not stick to it?

On the other hand, as I am sure I have mentioned a million times, I’m a sucker for mango. The idea of Curiously Strong Mango was something I couldn’t resist.

These are little bumpy round things, kind of like little sugar flowers, in a pale orange color. They don’t look like mangoes, and I am not absolutely sure they taste like mangoes. It’s clearly an artificial flavor, at most one that tastes more like mango than it tastes like another fruit. They’re not like the mango Hi-Chew I reviewed recently, for instance, where you taste them and aren’t surprised to read in the ingredients that there’s real mango in there somehow. They are more “Curiously Fruity,” like it says on the tin, than they are in-your-face MANGO.

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I don’t like gummies. I don’t even remember why, it’s been so long since I tasted any. So why did I buy these? Because I can’t resist anything animal-shaped. And I couldn’t resist the peculiar appeal of an animal-shaped candy with a gut full of liquid.

To be honest, I didn’t really expect these to be good to eat. I expected that I would order an Avenging Narwhal Playset from Archie McPhee and then instead of having the narwhal spear the little plastic penguin through the belly, I’d use these. And they’d OOZE GUTS. And I’d take pictures. What could be better?

But I never got to do that, for a surprising reason: They all got eaten!

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I am fussy about what flavors get mixed with my chocolate. Chocolate is pretty much perfect just the way it is.

But coffee and chocolate are one of the perfect flavor combinations. And I was intrigued by the GoGo Beans concept. I don’t drink coffee regularly, but when I need it, I need it – and yet, I am picky about it. If I can’t get a properly made fancy coffee, I’m not one of those people who can settle for instant with non-dairy creamer (eeek!), so a chocolate-coffee candy with extra caffeine could be a useful thing.

But, it’s not a pill you just swallow – it still has to taste good. And when I got these samples, I was so disappointed, I had to get second and third opinions, just to be fair.

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I have a terror of shopping at Ikea. The stores are so huge and there is only the one exit and pretty much only one route to get there. I always get about halfway through and wonder if I will ever make it out of the store.

Of course, if you did have to spend the rest of your life there, at least they have everything you need. There are beds to sleep in, and food to eat. You could even raise a family – the cafeteria sells jars of baby food and provides a bottle warmer.

So when I saw these chocolate bars, only my second thought was that they were nicely packaged and cheap. My first thought was “at least if I can’t get out, I won’t have to live the rest of my life without chocolate.”

But what would that life be like, for someone as devoted to chocolate as I am?

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