Candy Review: CJ’s Bitz

Wednesday, May 6, 2009 - by Monica

I would like to take a moment, if I may, to talk arithmetic. Addition, specifically. Addition is good; it means more – more numbers, more money, and in the best scenarios, more candy. Addition can be a tricky thing, though. Like with ingredients, for example. That whole too-much-of-a-good-thing thing. It’s sometimes hard to tell where that line is exactly, where a good thing becomes a very, very bad thing. I mean, if you start with a good ingredient and you add another good ingredient and the result is better, and then you add yet another one and get an even better result, I can see how one might be led down a dangerous path.

However, despite the understandable nature of such a misstep, it is snackably (I love how Candy Addict lets us just make up adverbs like that when we want to) unforgivable and, by my assessment, the very one made by CJ’s with a selection of their Bitz – an offshoot of their flagship Stix – products. Too bad, too, it’s a mathematical travesty, really.

CJ’S BITZ – WHITE CHOCOLATE

“Bite sized pretzel nuggets dipped in white chocolate then rolled in English toffee chips.”

These little buggers are covered – dare I say jam-packed – with toffee chips. The pretzels themselves were a little stale, but their saltiness played off the sweetness of the toffee very nicely. The white chocolate, not a dominant flavor by nature, basically faded away in the mix and, by my estimate, it served no purpose other than to adhere the toffee to the pretzel. Being a chocolate fan, I would have loved to have tried the milk or dark chocolate version of this, but I liked it nonetheless.

Candy Math Cheat Sheet:

Pretzel + White Chocolate + Toffee Chips = Not Bad

CJ’S BITZ – PEANUT BUTTER

“Bite sized peanut butter filled pretzel nuggets dipped in chocolate then rolled in English toffee chips.”

This Frankenstein of a confection provides for one hearty “bite.” It is a veritable hunk of a snack that smells utterly peanut buttery and is generously coated in toffee. The “pretzel nugget” is more like a shell – very thin and delicate, much like a pretzel chip. (Remember Mr. Phipps Pretzel Chips? Do they still make those? Well that’s what it conjured for me.) It had a stale texture and, despite the PB aroma, I could barely detect its flavor as my tongue was assaulted (in a good kind of way) by the toffee. Because of said assault, I had to taste all the components independently. The pretzel was relatively tasteless, in typical pretzel style. The peanut butter was very crumbly – even by, say, Combos standards – and tasted only vaguely nutty. The milk chocolate was fine but unremarkable. And the toffee chips – the undeniable diva of this snack – over-delivered in both sweetness and stick-in-your-teethness. Overall, there were way too many textures competing, rather than working together, and there wasn’t a great flavor payoff.

Candy Math Cheat Sheet:

Pretzel + Milk Chocolate + Toffee Chips + Peanut Butter = Ehh

CJ’S BITZ – WHITE CHOCOLATE PEANUT BUTTER

“Bite sized peanut butter filled pretzel nuggets dipped in white chocolate then rolled in English toffee chips.”

Okay, so everything I said above regarding size, scent, and pretzel, toffee, and peanut butter ingredients applies here. As does everything I said even further above regarding white chocolate. Essentially, this amounts to a mouthful of jumbled textures that all taste like toffee. Personally, I’d rather eat a Heath bar and call it a day.

Candy Math Cheat Sheet:

Pretzel + White Chocolate + Toffee Chips + Peanut Butter = Very Not Good

So, class, important lessons to take away from this review:

1. Nabisco stopped producing Mr. Phipps Pretzel Chips sometime in the 90s. (Thank you WikiAnswers.)
2. Peanut butter can taste like air. Crumbly air.
3. White chocolate is little more than edible glue.

And most importantly:

4. In Bitz math: 3 ingredients = edible; 4 ingredients = kiss of death.

• CJ’s Stix Website

Buy CJ’s Bitz Online:

at Amazon.com