The Earth’s environment is crumbling around us. Actually, it has been for some time. Most of us would like to protect our planet. After all, as wonderful and convenient as the digital world is, most of us would like to introduce our kids to a non-virtual reality.
But without being a scientist, or being independently wealthy, what’s a person to do? Well, you can recycle, but Candy Dynamics has cooked up an alternative that’s far more fun. Now, you can help the Earth by eating toxic waste!
Yes, you read right! Toxic Waste candies are whacked-out novelties with a mission. With each purchase of a Toxic Waste product, a share of the profits are donated to an environmental protection group. The theme is cute, if slightly creepy.
Aside from a heaping helping of sour, I didn’t really know what to expect when a large box from Candy Dynamics arrived at my door last week. I like jelly belly sours, sour gummi belts, and IceBreakers Sours, but I’m not much of a Crybaby fan. Aside from Trident “Sour Strawberry” gum, I didn’t really have any experience with gums in the sour canon. The packing list described the gum as “Hi-Voltage”. I wondered what I was in for.
The box contained miniature drums of sour candy and a pack with 30 sticks of “Hi-Voltage Bubble Gum”. As we had already reviewed Toxic Waste Candy, I was only obligated to taste the gum. Still, with so much candy, and a limited number of sour Candy Addicts in my acquaintance, I could only hope that I’d like everything. I really dislike wasting food, especially candy!
I was immediately impressed with the candy’s theme. The box designs include yellow-and-black caution tape, a mad scientist by the name of “Dr. Sauernoggin,” and a very harried-looking anthropomorphized mushroom cloud. As the bulk packaging is stripped away, the candy’s theme continues.
The Hi-Voltage Bubble Gum, which touts itself as “Nuclear Gum with a Hazardously Sour Center!”, resembles sticks of uranium. Extracting the Blue Raspberry gum from a three-stick package, I lifted it to my mouth. It didn’t appear to be coated with powder. Thank goodness. I gingerly licked the top of the stick. It’s sweet, vaguely fruity taste and rigid texture reminded me of Bazooka Joe. So far, so good.
Throwing caution to the wind, I bit. I let out a yelp. This was like the the coating on Toxic Waste’s hard candies, multiplied by ten. Rather than a dusting of sour powder, this gum had a center of the stuff, a quarter-inch or so in diameter. The acidity was such that I couldn’t tell if the center was sour or salty. This stuff is oral torture… I’m surprised they aren’t using these in Guantanamo Bay. I endured a minute or so of chewing. By the time I dispensed with the blue wad, my teeth hurt.
It’s been two days since my experience with this gum, and I’m still having difficulty chewing my food. Forget caramels or marshmallows – Toxic Waste candy has got to be a dentist’s worst nightmare. I suppose if you’re a super-sour fanatic, or big on pain in general, you might enjoy what Candy Dynamics and “Dr. Sauernoggin” have cooked up. Besides, by stocking up you’ll be providing a valuable service to the environment. It’s a shame that I find these so awful – I really like the idea behind this product line, and love the theme. However, I have no desire to eat Toxic Waste again.
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