Yesterday I heard words I’ve never heard another human being speak. Ever. Not even Andrew Zimmern. “Mmmm, these maggots are delicious!” Maybe Zimmern has said this, but I’ve never made it more than five minutes into his show before changing channels. I’m more of an Anthony Bourdain guy. But I digress.
From the wacky folks at Archie McPhee I got a package containing Commie Mints, Green Buddha Mints, and Gummy Maggots. Of all the hundreds of items they sell, these are probably among the least interesting, i.e., safest.
The tins each contained roughly 100 chalky white mints the size of baby aspirins. Both the Commies and Buddhas had identical ingredients and were so mild that eating less than six at a time elicited very little minty flavor. I’ll keep the tins and maybe fill ‘em with Altoids or Fisherman’s Friend mints.
The Gummy Maggots looked very lifelike (larvaelike?), but had a distinct rubbery taste over the green apple flavor. (Better than natural maggot flavor, I guess.) Also, the package depicts a smiling cartoon worm exiting an apple – I’m sure a true depiction of maggots squirming around in rotting garbage or a days-old summertime animal carcass would be too off-putting. These seem to be geared toward goofy kids anyway, along with a few people in my office – they’ll eat anything that sounds gross, and usually enjoy it.
Celebrating their silver anniversary in business, Archie McPhee is the retail segment of wholesalers Accoutrements, known more for their kooky and kitschy toys than candy, although we’ve reviewed plenty of their offbeat candy here before. Still, I wish I’d gotten something more fun than mints and maggots. Perhaps a Cherry Flavored Marie Antoinette Head Lollipop, Gummy Human Heart, Black Lung Lemon Flavored Bubblegum Cigarettes, or Shakesperean Insult Gum would’ve been a bit more “krazy.” And they seem to be obsessed with bacon-flavored candy. Why’d I get no bacon?
Despite the subpar candy – the emphasis here is on novelty, not candy – I can’t help lingering over their “Stupid Products” section: Man, I need some Inflatable Toast!