We all have trick-or-treaters we really don’t want to give candy to. You know the ones – thug teenagers who have no business being out trick-or-treating, parents asking for candy for their third child who happens to be 2 weeks old (“Yes, she eats breast milk, formula, and a few Snickers here and there”), and repeat customers who come back because they know you give out the good stuff. So what to do with these ne’er-do-wells? Give them some candy that sucks, of course! And I found the perfect candidate – crunchy tarantulas.
I found crunchy tarantulas at the same time I got the gummy brains from Oriental Trading. I really truly thought they would be good – marshmallow, gummy, and hard candy bits? What could be better? Well, for one, eating a bar of soap. Or possibly chemically treated wood pellets. Seriously. Nasty. Stuff.
The tarantulas themselves consist of a gummy bottom topped by a hard candy shell. (I’m not sure how “hard crunchy center” equates to “hard crunchy shell” but somehow it does.) Inside the candy shell, as you can see from the picture, is a large, moist chocolate marshmallow. Or not. In reality, it’s a minuscule little bloblet of hard marshmallow-type gunk.
As for the flavor… well, it’s not often I spit out candy. I did this time. Quickly. Then I rinsed my mouth. From what I can recall of the short time it was in my mouth, it tasted like some kind of floor cleaner. Allegedly it’s cherry flavored, but since I downright refuse to try it again (no! you can’t make me!) I can’t guarantee that.
These are definitely going straight into our “Bite Me” bag of Halloween treats to give to people who don’t deserve our regular fare of full-size candy bars. “Oh, gee, sorry, we ran out of the good stuff. Here, enjoy this delicious treat instead! And remember us next year!” That’ll teach ‘em.
Buy Crunchy Tarantulas Online: