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Halloween Candy Review: Crunchy Tarantulas

Categories: Candy,Candy Reviews,Gross Candy,Gummi/Gummy Candy,Holiday Candy,Novelty Candy

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Crunchy Tarantulas

We all have trick-or-treaters we really don’t want to give candy to. You know the ones – thug teenagers who have no business being out trick-or-treating, parents asking for candy for their third child who happens to be 2 weeks old (“Yes, she eats breast milk, formula, and a few Snickers here and there”), and repeat customers who come back because they know you give out the good stuff. So what to do with these ne’er-do-wells? Give them some candy that sucks, of course! And I found the perfect candidate – crunchy tarantulas.

I found crunchy tarantulas at the same time I got the gummy brains from Oriental Trading. I really truly thought they would be good – marshmallow, gummy, and hard candy bits? What could be better? Well, for one, eating a bar of soap. Or possibly chemically treated wood pellets. Seriously. Nasty. Stuff.

The tarantulas themselves consist of a gummy bottom topped by a hard candy shell. (I’m not sure how “hard crunchy center” equates to “hard crunchy shell” but somehow it does.) Inside the candy shell, as you can see from the picture, is a large, moist chocolate marshmallow. Or not. In reality, it’s a minuscule little bloblet of hard marshmallow-type gunk.

As for the flavor… well, it’s not often I spit out candy. I did this time. Quickly. Then I rinsed my mouth. From what I can recall of the short time it was in my mouth, it tasted like some kind of floor cleaner. Allegedly it’s cherry flavored, but since I downright refuse to try it again (no! you can’t make me!) I can’t guarantee that.

These are definitely going straight into our “Bite Me” bag of Halloween treats to give to people who don’t deserve our regular fare of full-size candy bars. “Oh, gee, sorry, we ran out of the good stuff. Here, enjoy this delicious treat instead! And remember us next year!” That’ll teach ‘em.

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4 Responses to “Halloween Candy Review: Crunchy Tarantulas”

  1. 1
    Annie says:

    Well, you’re a brave one. In my neighborhood, you’d get tp’d for less than that.

    Hey, I’ve seen 36″ gummy snakes at my local walmart. Any review on those things?

  2. 2
    AntFan says:

    That looks a lot like the Harry Pott Cockroach Cluster or whatever they call it… in the end that was a like the Fear Factor candy

  3. 3
    rawxy says:

    wOW…. i bought… a bunch of those “gummy brains” some tiny chocolates… lolly pops, def. will look for those tarantulas as soon as I get off from work….we always give out the good stuff and we give it to kids dressed up their cool costumes we even have treats for ppl from the block who dress up their pets…but we have ppl…like old ppl, teens, dressed up asking for candy…i mean c’mon.
    but this year….no more…hope they remember next year and think twice before knocking

  4. 4
    Bearfoot says:

    Roxy, remind me never to come to your house.

    I give candy to whomever shows up in costume because the holiday isn’t supposed to be for little kids. Heck I even offer candy to the parents who are taking thier kids around. (thanks for giving your kid some good memories, you want some candy too?)

    I guess you must enjoy cleaning TP off of your house eh?

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