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Willy Wonka: Billionaire

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Willy Wonka

He’s mysterious, he’s innovative, he’s probably a little insane, and he’s rich. According to Forbes Magazine, Mr. Willy Wonka is currently the 13th richest fictional character in the universe, ranking just above Lucius Malfoy. Take that, Slytherin!

It shouldn’t come as any surprise that Wonka has big bucks: anyone with their own flying glass elevator, teleportation device, and chocolate river is probably making some serious cash.

His famous candies, including the Scrumdiddlyumptious bar, fizzy-lifting drinks, and lickable wallpaper (personal favorite flavor: snozzberry) have set him apart from his lesser, more traditional competitors.

Sadly, Wonka’s rank on the Forbes list dropped from 2006, due to what Forbes notes as “strained labor relations” from Oompa Loompas insisting “on being paid in cash rather than in cocoa beans,” along with a disinterest in candy making from “heir apparent Charlie Bucket” who seems “more interested in girls and less in Oopma-Loompas.”

The report did not state if ongoing lawsuits from several factory visitors, including Violet Beauregarde, who still has a blue-tinted face after a nasty gum incident at Wonka’s factory, have anything to do with Wonka’s financial issues.

Still, there is always hope when Wonka is involved.

Tough times have threatened the business before, but through such innovative marketing schemes as the famed “Golden Ticket” promotion, Wonka has always managed to bounce back with new and exciting ideas that continue to propel his business through the 21st century.

It is safe to say that regardless of his position on Forbes’ list, Wonka’s brilliance, creativity, and products will last through the ages, much like this Everlasting Gobstopper that I started eating in 1985.

What can I say? The man is a genius!


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2 Responses to “Willy Wonka: Billionaire”

  1. 1
    Mike says:

    Is Mr. Willy Wonka currently the 13th richest fictional character in the universe? That is really admiring! Maybe that is the glamour of chocolate. I have read the story about Willy Wonka and his mysterious Oompa Loompas, which teaches us all a lesson in honesty. I think it is the reason why he is so rich, really a cinderella story!

  2. 2
    Breanna says:

    I always did feel a little sorry for the Oppma Loompas only getting cocoa beans in exchange for their toils. Smells like a way for Wonka to cheat on his taxes to me…

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