I hate bananas, I can’t dance, and I have no idea how to unicycle, but I would gladly dance upon a unicycle across the country in a giant banana costume if it meant the return of my beloved Wacky Wafers.
Wacky Wafers were a delicious candy once manufactured by the Willy Wonka Candy Company, which is now owned by Nestle. Upon acquiring the company, Nestle decided to keep the Wonka staples: Nerds and Everlasting Gobstoppers were both spared. It was curtains for Wacky Wafers, however; a tragic event for Candy Addicts everywhere.
What made Wacky Wafers so great was their composition. They were a beautiful amalgamation of the best elements of other candies: the chalky wafer feel of a Necco, the sugary snap of SweetTarts, and the creative flavoring that is best represented in Wacky Wafers’ surviving sister candy, Bottle Caps.
Each Wacky Wafer had a distinct flavor: you didn’t eat a “yellow” wafer, you ate a banana one. Some argue that Giant Chewy SweetTarts are a decent replacement for Wacky Wafers, but I have to disagree. With a Wacky Wafer, I knew what I was tasting, unlike the “I think it’s cherry, no wait, it’s lime, no… it’s orange?” reaction that I often get from SweetTarts. As I mentioned earlier, I hate bananas, but for some reason, the banana Wacky Wafer was one of my very favorite candies. It had a lovely flavor: sweet but not overwhelmingly so, a bit like a giant banana Runt that had been crushed by a magical, wacky, delicious steamroller.
Perhaps this is all nostalgia: if Wacky Wafers had made it to 2007, would I still love them as much? It’s hard to say. But I’m willing to get on that unicycle to find out, if that’s what it takes. You hear me, Mr. Wonka? My costume is in the mail and I’ve got my dancin’ shoes on.